I don't want to invite him to do anything. That's not detaching. But at the same time I don't want it same ole same ole when he comes over.
I know that I've said that I haven't been thinking about my sitch as much today which is true. But while vacuuming I had a realization. I remembered the day he was moving, I made a random comment and he quite good naturedly said "and that's something I won't miss about you" and pointed out something that I always used to think he liked. I was hurt. And I said something like "well you won't have to hear anyone say that again. I'm sure GF doesn't talk like that" and he said "yep and..." and proceeded to point out something good about her. Now this was all done in high spirits and laughing. Inside I was screaming trying to hold it together.
Anyway I point to that because while I was in the throws of confusion because I had no idea how to handle my changing feelings, him moving out, him in a relationship. I now understand that nothing I could have said or done right then would have made a lick of difference. He was in that euphoria of being a WAS. When you slap those blinders on, convince yourself that now the world is your oyster...it never could possibly be before but now everything ever invented or dreamed of could be yours!!!
I know that it took me months before the newness of being "single" wore off. And I could look at him as a person rather than that thing in the past I wish would disappear. He once said I had treated him for months like a lazy grown up kid that I wished would just move out the parents basement. Looking back I only looked at him that way because he was acting that way! As soon as he completely detached and stop feeling sorry for himself and started taking care of himself and being independent I stopped and took notice. And I know it took losing him as a back up plan to make me consider my feelings.
Anyway, I'm not hold out hope for a quick fix or an imminent change of heart.
My fear was always that if I detached he wouldn't pursue because he's always been such a laid back guy. What I've come to learn here is that my fear isn't unique. We all worry that if we detach they will disappear or forget. A WAS will never stop and look if you're pursuing. I above all people should know that. So I'm glad I remembered that tiny exchange. I remember when I had my "this is why I'm better off without him list" and you know what he'll miss those things....just like I did.
