She has caused damage already. It is in their court to move forward from that. I will be a refuge should they choose to use it.
Their relationship is complex and XW has created some dependence with our DIL. In a nutshell for a time XW became a care giver including POA for DIL’s mother. She may still be. I have distanced myself from this drama and my knowledge is very limited. I am under the impression DIL rebelled against XWs control of her mother. Where that all landed is unknown and I do not wish to open that can of worms. It was one of the logs upon the camel’s back.
My relationship with my son seems intact and has grown recently. Key to that is seeing him as an Adult and encouraging his independant life. Independant from Mom and Dad. It is a relationship with DIL that concerns me. Time and patience.
Journaling: Friday night I was invited to SIL2’s house. My niece and her fiancé were visiting. It was a mini family gathering. SIL1 & SIL2 their families, me and my daughter. We laughed, played cards and drank a little. I was a designated driver so No Drink For You.
Saturday morning early found me in my flower beds digging out a couple of Hosta plants to separate into smaller clumps. I was donating them to my nephews Eagle Scout project, then on to grunt work as a volunteer at the project. It was good, we rolled up our sleeves, donned gloves and got it done.
Saturday night and into Sunday there was a wedding in XWs side of the extended family. I was not invited. I did send my well wishes and asked my daughter and SILs to express my regrets at not being able to attend. I will have a chance to interact with most of this extended family at nephew1 and nephew2’s HS graduation party. It should prove interesting and it is an opportunity for me to shine.
Please understand I come from a small family and XW’s family is vast. Over thirty years’ time they became my family. I need for me to show them I am accepting the events of the last two years with grace and honor.
I do this for me, for my peace of mind, for my honor. If they choose to associate with me going forward good, if not then they have chosen not to and I still go forward having done my best.
In about a month’s time my son and his family will be local. I have not had much of an opportunity to develop a relationship with my daughter in law. I hope to use the time we have together in the next few years to establish a rapport.
My sister had a thought about the children’s play set. My children never used it much as they were a bit older when it was built. The younger nephews and nieces played on it quite a bit. They have also out grown it. It needs a bit of rehab, but it could become my grandchild’s play set used when she visits. So I have already begun to rehab it.
This leads me to another line of thinking another fork in this road to take. To build some kind of rapport with my daughter in law I will be the very best grandpa I can be. I will avoid getting in competition with grandma, but I will make my house and yard inviting and kid friendly again. I will not do this so they will spend time. I will do this so that should they spend time they can be comfortable and relax.
I attended a seminar many years ago. Of the many ideas the speaker put forth this one stands out. “People may forget your name easily, but they are less likely to forget how you made them feel.”
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
