New to DB

[25yearsmlc]

I have been going through so many posts... I understand about the 180s and GAL but if my H is going through MLC does that change things? Or do I just leave him be and drop the rope?

The last interaction I had with my H was an email from him saying that he asked OW for a ' relationship' . I responded with "thanks for telling me. Just keep it in juba ( the city he is currently working in) and not bring it home to where me and the kids are" .i haven't heard back for a week. plus I am not contacting gym either.

How do I know if he is in MLC ? Does it matter for DB ing? I mean do the techniques change?

^^^ This is a great question and I"m glad you asked. The answer is

NO IT DOES NOT CHANGE YOUR TECHNIQUES AT ALL...

so while many MANY other spouses spend countless months/years wondering if their WAS is in MLC or is simply a walk away, they lose sight of the reality that it changes nothing in how the left behind spouse (lbs) reacts.

It MAY give you more hope but I can't say that's realistic. I don't know why some return and others don't.

I DO KNOW that when I became a happier more fulfilled woman, I was more attractive to my h...and

my h became increasingly open to restoring our marriage. He sure made a lot more effort when I dropped the rope.

However - I was at peace either way b/c I had accepted that my marriage was likely over but that I truly was going to be happy anyhow.

I came to believe he was losing more than me in the long run. I came to believe I was/am a good catch, & that I deserve to be happy and that it's up to ME to create a happy life for myself and my children.

So I did...and I pray you will discover & create the same for you.


I miss my family as a whole, i truly love the man I am married to, but am ready to do this alone. What does that mean?

what does it mean to do it alone? I THINK it means that you can envision yourself as a single mom for all intents and purposes, but that you are holding onto the idea of your h changing his mind and heart.

ALL I can suggest is that you modify that a little so that you don't stay stuck in a waiting game.

For one thing, it doesn't work. It slows the wayward spouse down b/c there is no rush since they know you are waiting...

and second, in the event he does not return, you'll have wasted time you could have spent on creating a new happier life without him (even if you don't date, I'm just saying that moving on to create a happier life FOR YOU and your kids, is appealing)

and finally, even if he did want to return, I believe change in you and the marriage are mandatory or you'll just end up here again. So you need to manage your life...

So work on YOU...