WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

Trying not to make it weeks between postings... but so very busy right now. I volunteered for a number of projects and they all are coming due at the same time.... not enough hours in the day!

This strange little detente with my W continues. Last week took my S on a 16 mile bike ride... he was one tired little man when we got home During the ride we took a break and he suddenly decided to start asking me about the divorce. He told me he hates mommy and is angry with her for causing the divorce. This is the first time I've heard this from him... I didn't really know what to say. At first I told him not to hate mommy, but then remembered the readings and my counselor telling me that I shouldn't tell him how to feel. So instead I tried to explain that mommy is doing what she thinks is best, and encouraged him to talk to her about it.

Since then I've been wrestling with whether I should share this with my W or not. It's a new expression from him we haven't seen to date. So far I haven't shared it... while I wouldn't intend the sharing to seem punitive or hurtful I can't seem to find a way where it doesn't seem like that.

Thursday was interesting as W came over so we could jointly meet with the summer babysitter. God bless my S, he cooks up little strategies... I ran the babysitter home while W stayed with S. When I got back S asked if we could go out to dinner. It was pretty late so I said yes. Turns out he'd already secured a commitment from my W to go out with us if I said yes. I said that was fine but mommy probably was busy. My W said that she was free and she could go with if S wanted. So we all went out to dinner. It was fine and pleasant.

One of the people I work closely with as part of the school board had his wife pass away last week after a long fight with cancer. She was only 52 and they were such a great couple. I went to the reception for her passing and that was an emotional affair. It felt so odd going without a spouse or SO. The husband knows about my separation so as I came up to him the first thing he asked was how I was doing. He's such a nice guy... his wife passes away but he's asking me how I'm doing. I barely kept it together and just said fine and turned it back to his wife and his kids.

Spent Friday with all the kids because W worked. Saturday I had my youth group with my SS (who spent the night with me Friday night). Today no kids and I did house stuff and some GAL. Received a text from my W mid-day asking if I wanted the kids for a few hours because she wasn't feeling well. I was in the middle of GAL so I didn't answer. I got home and a bit before dinner (about four hours later) I texted my W and asked if she would mind if the kids came over for a little while. I needed SS's help on a project for our youth group and I hadn't seen my SD except for the little bit on Friday. We had fun playing Star Wars Kinect and my SS helped search the web for videos of F-16s.

When she came over to pick them up she came inside and spent a little while at my house watching the kids play Kinect. I feel bad for her because she's so unhappy. She's as unhappy now as she was when we were together. Her friends aren't responsive to her. I'm guessing it's because she unloads on them as she used to unload on me (and still tries to). And it's just not cheery to listen to that over and over... and I'm sure that's doubly so when your wounds are self-inflicted (as much of her lamentation these days is about being poor).

She looks like she's aged 5 years in the past three months... Dang... I just realized today is 3 months since she moved out. Well no wonder I've been so emotional this weekend. Anyway, she just always so stressed and stretched thing. I can't do anything about it really, but it's still hard to watch someone you care about struggle. It's harder knowing you could do something about it (I could give her more money every month) but that you don't. Not that this makes me bad, but it's still hard.