I'm so sorry that you keep getting dumped with it. But maybe it's just going to go away soon?
You know by living here that our heaviest snowfalls occur in February and March, so I know we're due.
Not saying goodbye? Don't you hate that?
I told that to Mr. W. last year after he moved out too. I let him know that it made me feel like a non-person--no recognition that I existed.
Since then, he's made an effort to find me to say goodbye. What is your H's answer when you tell him that this bothers you?
If you want to teach him, maybe you could seek him out before he leaves, go grab his cheeks, lay a big kiss on his lips and say, "I wanted to give this to you before you left... have a good day, and I'll be thinking of you."
What do you think?
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Yes, leaving without a goodbye can really kill a perfectly good PMA day. But look at you, still waving the flag! Go you !!! You may want to wave that over at Burl's place...she could use some kind words to counterbalance mine!
Let me tell you, this snow better go away soon. It can come back when S is old enough to be sent outside to shovel it. Until then, it needs to find some pity!!
Quote: If you want to teach him, maybe you could seek him out before he leaves, go grab his cheeks, lay a big kiss on his lips and say, "I wanted to give this to you before you left... have a good day, and I'll be thinking of you."
I like this!! I think I'll use it too...Go Bruce!
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Pamela replies, as she pulls a fish skeleton out of her mouth.... "Uh, No."
Actually, Betsey, not at all. H has been home all morning, and I couldn't get to the computer. Another snow day here! I have hardly worked at all since the new year began.
Not too much major going on here. Last night H called on his way home from work- I had left him a message that the place he was going to after work was closing down early because of the snow. He called to say that he left work early, so he thought he'd stop off at the gym instead. I said, "o.k." Apparently he is not used to this agreeable Pam, so he quickly asked if I had made dinner. I said I had, so he said he'd come straight home. I assured him that I had no problem with him going to the gym, and that his dinner would keep. He said, "well, then I'll go...but do you want to play a game when I get home?" I think that's cute. He's really trying, isn't he?
And, yes, we did play a game last night. And, this morning he came and layed a HUGE kiss on me after I ironed a pair of pants that he wanted to wear.
Is this silly, but I'm scared! Things are going well, and I am so afraid that I am being lulled into a false sense of security. Not purposely, mind you. I think he's really trying. I'm just frightened that he is going to say, "I tried, I put my heart into it, but I still ain't feelin' it...."
Sorry, gotta be honest here! I wonder if I will EVER feel secure???
Ok, are you ready to start quoting Thomas the Tank Engine?
I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN!
Yes, you can! He IS trying, Pam. And so are you. It sounds like you need to start yourself a hobby with your hands--crocheting, scrapbooking or something... anything to keep you from sabotaging your progress.
You're getting way too much snow and that cabin fever is driving you nuts. Can you at least dig out a paint by number from your son's toy chest?
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
After much thought this morning (as I lay in bed pushing ‘snooze’ again and again) it came to me why limbo land is so…murky. I think this could apply here too, Pam.
In limbo land, we’re actually working hard to prepare ourselves for two different outcomes. We’re working to bring the WASs home and secure a strong foundation for this new marriage and at the same time we’re working on detachment and keeping our ducks in a row (emotionally, financially, etc) so we don’t drown if divorce becomes our destination.
There comes this point for all of us where we start playing ‘guess the outcome’ and when we guess it will be something other than reconciliation, we get scared. When we get scared, we want to employ our defensive techniques. The forest gets darker and we begin to loose our sense of direction. Sometimes it even seems that the radio contact with the helicopter isn’t working very well and all we hear is static.
The important thing to remember is that there ARE helicopters up there that are watching us and staying on our trail. The forest is dark and that really sucks…but if we don’t want to stay in this dark part of the forest we need to move through it by focusing on the positives and not the negatives.
Remember Pam, if you keep looking backward while you’re running forward you’re going to clunk straight into many of these horrible trees. The past is exactly that…past. Gone, over, done, unchangeable. The present is in your control…remember that. Your husband is trying pretty hard and so are you. GO YOU!!! !! If you can leave the past where it belongs and if you can stop playing ‘guess the outcome’ and just trust that the right outcome will happen, I think that you’ll be juuuuuuust fine.
Cabin fever has us all twitching here in Snowville. Maybe we should brave the elements and do lunch this weekend, are you busy?
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
dammit, Meredith, I just wrote this huge post, which proceeded to get lost as my computer locked up.
Anyway, first of all, thanks for the words. You are totally right, and I realized that I am becoming a broken record lately. That is not who I want to be, so it will end. Forgive me if I backslide occasionally. I just played that record SO MANY TIMES it is hard to get used to life without it. I don't want any more bumps on my head from hitting those damn trees. I had a bit of a revelation of my own last night. It is probably a good thing that I lost my last post, as we know how wordy I can be. Now I don't feel like going thru the whole story, so I will offer it up this way: Last night H made the comment, "I like to make you happy." (By the way, yes, I almost fell out of the bed- I'm sure you were wondering.) It came after a silly conversation in which I thanked him for playing Scrabble with me the other night. The thing was, he was so sincere. And I realized something very important:
We did not get into this mess because he did not care about me. He has always cared. I can see now that he had no way of making me happy. I also see that you don't just keep plugging away trying to help someone- eventually you give up because whatever you're doing is just falling on deaf ears anyway. (I KNOW you can relate to this!!!) Now, he is peeking out from behind the wall I forced him behind, and he is seeing that I can be happy. He's liking it! It makes him feel better about himself too. Why shouldn't it? He felt awful when I was miserable.
This "not caring" stuff has really struck a chord with me. I can't believe how I misinterpreted so much. Kind of like the whole depression vs. not thinking about the family thing...you know?
I have moved. Mer, I wanna stay in the old neighborhood!!! No idea how to link, and am not too worried about doing it. Kinda ready to forget the "sordid" story and move on. But, if you all feel I need to link for reference sake...link away.
!!! You may want to wave that over at Burl's place...she could use some kind words to counterbalance mine!