The WAW who stood still (can he catch up already?)

[zig]

In a crazytown sort of way, this horrible event makes me less anxious about seeing him Tuesday. Because that's what us control people do isn't it? We feel so nervous living in the uncertainity that we do something horrible so then we feel like it's been decided. I may have screwed it all up so now there's NO expectations. I think it's a big step to identify that I do that...sabotage.

i'm starting to see more and more how everything happens for a reason - and usually a very good one. it seems as if every cruel little detail, if we stop going into panic mode and stay still to find out what it's really about - everything is really there to let us find something out about ourselves or the people around us.

what you discovered here - about sabotaging yourself - in advance - to avoid disappointment and unmet expectations, to protect yourself. i remember when i realized that about myself and about h. it's an amazing feeling, because once you see what you are doing - you somehow get released from the doing of it.

so put aside that cringe-y feeling (and yes i've felt that too many times to mention) and instead focus on what you learned about how you protect yourself - and how it actually works against you.

in taking the opportunity to learn from this, you can turn the focus to yourself, find an area that needs improvement (not how you DB but what you can do different so that you don't sabotage your own desires), and in doing both those things you will kill 2 birds with one stone, so to speak: detach and work on yourself

how cool is that!!

take care

zig