I know you are really hurting, and I know how hard it is to have 3 young kids all by yourself, it is completely and utterly exhausting! You feel trapped when you have no adult interaction -- I hear you, believe me I do.
I thought you said that OW had been on the prowl with more guys at work than just your H -- if that's true (and even if it's not), the bloom WILL come off the rose. There is nothing more special about their relationship than the one you had with H.
A few suggestions for you:
1) You are making "low value statements" about yourself. If you make those statements, or if you feel that way, it becomes self-reinforcing, as others then see you as low-value too. You need to change your vocabulary and make high value statements about yourself. You are a great mother, you are a great wife, it is H's loss that he's missing out, etc. etc. If you look at yourself this way, it also becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, as others will see you that way too, it's infectious.
2) Scaredsilly is right, going 50/50 on custody with H is going to be good all the way around. Having 3 little kids in their relationship will make things more real, particularly when the kids are challenging. The flip side is you get relief and time to GAL. I would do week on / week off, or every 3 days, or whatever you can work out.
3) In terms of low cost GAL, look for volunteer activities, meetups, and sports teams.
Sending positive thoughts your way!
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
