My T often brings up how sad it is that my H isn't willing to give our M a chance. She seems to be trying to prompt a reaction from me. I agree that it's sad. But I don't feel really sad most of the time because I do believe I'm doing what I can.
A,
I agree your therapist is probably trying to get some sort of a response...
I have actually been waiting for one as well. I have read through your posts and I see a great amount of acceptance from you.
What I see missing...
Is joy. Is fun. You don't feel sad. I can accept that as your answer. Do you feel happy?
You are filling your roles, wonderfully, I am sure. You are being very careful and deliberate in your actions and words.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
I'm releasing my anger and resentment, I'm focusing on myself and trying to improve myself. I'm communicating more clearly with him. I'm not pressuring him. I'm waiting. I'm being someone desirable to come back to. I'm taking care of my kids. I'm listening to him more carefully. I'm participating fully in counseling.
If in spite of everything that I can possibly do, he wants a D, then I don't want to cry about that. I want to make the best of it, take the best care of my kids, and turn lemons into lemonade.
Why wouldn't you cry about this? It is the end of something that is precious to you and you need to release the emotions that must come with that.
I am not saying cry forever...however you can't simply ignore the sadness and hope that it will go away. Emotions have to be processed or they come back and bite us in the butt eventually.
What makes A tick? What makes A happy? What are you doing for A, and A alone?
I know you went to visit friends last weekend. That is wonderful. How did it make you feel? Really make you feel at your core?
Scared, excited, anxious, liberated?
I'm curious too, why are you being someone desirable to "come back to" instead of being someone desirable period.
Originally Posted By: Adinva
These are things I delegated to my H because he likes money stuff and is good at it, but now we'll both have to like and be good at it. I hate duplicating effort, but it looks necessary.
Instead of looking at this a duplicating effort, which you hate, why not try to view it as taking an active role in your future?
Instead of viewing it with dread, view it as a way of taking care of yourself, which is part of personal responsibility?
Partnerships aren't about delegating responsibilities, they are about sharing them.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
