Jumping in here. Starsky, this was your approach? At what point did your SO decide that it was worth it? When did you lay down the boundaries? I'll have to go find your older topics
LIO, I laid down my boundaries almost immediately after I discovered my wife was having an affair. The earlier the better, in my opinion. My wife was completely unrepentant and refused to end her affair for two months, when I finally decided to file for divorce. I continued this stance and a month later (about 3 months total), she ended her waywardness and came to me crying and wanting back into the marriage. It took a couple of years of fits-and-starts to fully reconcile, but today we are very happily married and have celebrated our 50th birthdays, our 25th wedding anniversary, and the birth of our first grandchild (a little girl, about two years ago). We still have SSM issues, but the marriage is otherwise very strong, we are best friends, go on dates every weekend, and there's been no repeat infidelity.
My experience was similar to yours, in that when my wife came out of her "fog," she THANKED me for fighting for her (she also said "don't get me wrong, you P*S*ED ME OFF at the time!" lol), and said she respected me for what I did.
