Well, I don't know if this is DBing or not, but when my H came to pick up S12 I asked him (as charming as I could) if he would take the SUV for an oil change and a good inside/out wash. I also asked him if he would pick up S15 from his volunteer job and take him to the golf course. He said yes to all of the above. So the kids are taken care of, my errands are being run and I'm free! I'm headed out for a 20 mile bike ride in the valley. Life is good!
I agree w/Cadet...do what works and leave the rest behind. However, you may have caught him on a good day and that's why he was so willing to do what you asked....or....he figures if he's nice and do what you ask that you'll do what he wants w/the refinancing.
Keep your expectations at zero and stay alert!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I really don't have any expectations at this point. It was just nice to have a little help today after almost six months of doing everything on my own. I was able to do my bike ride and I came home to happy kids and a clean and oiled car. My son pointed out that my H paid for the premium service which I thought was nice. The refi is for me so he wasn't taking care of the car with any expectations. However, he could be trying to be helpful due to guilt. It really doesn't matter. I just accepted the help and left it at that. I'm glad that I wasn't home when they came back. My son said that my H actually came in for a few minutes because he wanted to talk to me. I had left him the loan papers and the documents that he needed. Today felt like a day regular day from the past. I'm curious about what my H felt about stepping into his old life for a few hours. I won't ask. I'm just trying to create a non-hostile environment where he feels comfortable talking to me and coming in our house. I definitely noticed that my H doesn't seem happy. My kids have said the same. So, after six months on his own I would think he would have figured out that I wasn't the cause of all his problems.
I'm glad you had time today to do something for you. Be sure to thank your h for what he did today. It was a big step for him to do everything that you asked of him. As for him figuring out that you are not the cause of all his problems, if he is in MLC, he's not figured it out yet. He's still got a ways to go to get to that point.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, snodderly. I sent him a simple "ty!" text when I got home. I really think brief communication is all he can handle. I forgot to mention yesterday that I got a message from him saying that he dropped off the loans papers and that he was completely exhausted from our talk the night before. I was tired due to lack of sleep but I had pep in my step the whole day. He, on the other hand, sounded like a complete mess. He can't hide his inner turmoil.
Something else I forgot to post today, last night I didn't wake up once! It's been almost six months since I've had a good nights sleep. I'm so use to waking up around 3:00. I definitely feel a shift in me. Maybe once I realized that my marriage is over and only a new one can be built, though I don't know that it will happen, the agony of not understanding what happen lifted. It is no longer important to me how we got here and who did what. We're here now, so I'll try my best to live my life and see what unfolds. I also noticed that when my H was here it was so natural for me to act happy because I WAS happy. Being the way that I felt was so much easier because my head wasn't involved. I wasn't thinking about all that had happened and what he had done. I was just being. OMG! What a good feeling. I'm praying for more days like today.
I'm glad to come here this morning and read that you had a good night's sleep. Just be yourself and don't try to change yourself just because he is saying things. If you want to change something about yourself, do it for you...not him!
BTW, you are correct...mlcers can't deal with lengthy emails or letters. You did the right thing with your text...short and sweet. Lengthy texts, etc., is too much for them to concentrate on.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I feel like I'm dying inside from lack of love and affection. I don't know how to deal with this. I have days where I feel good, like Saturday, but it doesn't take long before I crash again. I am missing my H so much, especially his hug.
golf mom, You are going to have days where you are up and happy and then there will be other days when you are down and sad. I think that you are expecting far too much out of yourself right now and you have to go easier on yourself. You are going through a terrible ordeal and it's going to take a long time before you will feel like your old self again. I do believe that once you have everything settled w/respect to the finances, assets, etc., you will feel better. Stress and anxiety are what's kicking you right now.
Get yourself a nice teddy bear and hug him every day. This will help you get over some of the hurdle of missing your h's hugs. Your journey is a tough one, but we all have either been through it or are going through it. Your journey will take time and it's not going to be a fast one. Unfortunately, you have to go through the pain in order to get to the other side and once you do, you will be far wiser than you have ever been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
