Oh, Pamela, who said that because your H is home that you "should feel grateful"? That's awful and certainly not validating... and isn't that what most of us are here to learn?
And if we all had the same life, we'd be cookies... all cut from the same cutter. Not very realistic, is it?
I can tell your C is bugging you. Since I think you feel she is helping your H, why not approach your next session from a different perspective? You might be able to consider yourself as attending for moral support, because she IS helping your H.
And if you take away any kernels of knowledge, then you've gained at least something for yourself. But it might help to remember that she IS helping your H progress... and if he's progressing, your M is progressing.
After all, you have DB/DR and us too--which is why we can share things that we have learned. You can try things here and not tell your H or your wanker MC about the experiments... and then you can take credit for things (in your mind only, though) for being smarter than she is.
For instance, if you took away the procedure to have R talk from my thread (did I post it there or somewhere else? senior moment...). The one where one person asks only questions and the other answers... the interrogator then signals the end of questioning by asking one final question: Is there anything else I should know?
You let that person talk. And then he becomes the interrogator on the same topic and you the responder.
Mr. W. and I have employed that technique since our MC taught it to us. It prevents rebuttals and defensiveness and allows us to move through a hairy R talk in usually about 15 minutes. (Though the issue of Mr. W.'s drinking took longer than that... we both had lots of questions.)
And if your H asks you where you learned it, you can honestly say a MC... just because it's my MC doesn't make that a lie.
However, I also wouldn't allow too much time to pass if she's not helping you set goals. If you're just in there to vent to each other with a mediator present, you can use the interrogator technique and eliminate her.
Having a pity party is okay, Pamela. It's throwing one continually that isn't. They serve a purpose: to get us off our butts and doing something. If they don't have that motivation, then it's time to let someone else host the damn thing.
It sounds like cabin fever and a restricted social life isn't helping either. Do you live in an isolated area? I'm just trying to figure out how to help you get out with some girlfriends and do the female bonding thing...
It would do you the world of good. Maybe planning a trip is just what you need? And I'm being dead serious about this.
Well, it's supposed to be 62 again today and I'm planning on hitting Albertson's early (to shop for the modified meals on wheels) so I can take a walk before church later this afternoon. Tomorrow, it's supposed to turn crappy so I have to make hay while the sun is shining.
Oh, and I'm glad I'm not helping Mr. Wonderful move!
Big bear hugs.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
