Learning, Unlearning, Doing it Differently #2

[zig]

Believe it or not, it is very VERY hard for me to focus my mind into silence.

i know - i'm laughing - because that's what i thought meditation was about for a very long time and couldn't even attempt it.

if you don't mind - i'll offer you my thoughts on what it is about.

here's what i understand about the attitude one could take - and for some who have read or listened to Pema Chodron, i find myself using the same phrases she does...

it's about cultivating certain aspects that are already within us. the first is Gentleness, then generosity towards ourselves and others - the generosity of acknowledging that just like ourselves, others have the same struggle and pain, albeit differently .

when we acknowledge our own shortcomings in a gentle way without JUDGEMENT TOWARDS OURSELVES FIRST, then over the course of our lives, we can begin to spread that out to the people around us.

so how does that apply to the actual meditation? you start by sitting or lying down in a position that is comfortable for you - and just becoming aware of your breath - just "breathing in, breathing out" and eventually thoughts will come into your mind - all kinds - gentle ones, nice ones, obsessive ones - lots of obsessive ones!!

and then this is how you apply the gentleness - all you have to do, is acknowledge to yourself that you are thinking and then gently let it go, with lots of forgiveness and gentleness to yourself and go back to your breathe. and you will do this all through the meditation - go back to your breathe, find yourself thinking again inadvertently, acknowledge it gently and go back to your breathe. each time you find your mind wandering, you say to yourself "thinking" with no judgement and then go back to your breathe.

you may find yourself thinking - well how can that be meditation - but after you do this, you WILL emerge from it feeling the soothing effects of meditation, no matter how much or little you were able to empty your mind.

and some days you will be surprised that you emptied it quite a bit and somedays not at all, but what pema says that is most important is that one does not criticize oneself, or judge oneself for it being one way or the other. you shouldn't feel more good because you did what you thought was a better job at it that day, and you shouldn't feel more bad, because you thought you didn't do it as well as you should

meditation - is about giving yourself that short span of time during your day when you stay as completely in the present moment as you are capable of - and you do that by practicing bringing yourself back to the present (the breathe) as many time as you possibly can

when i am going through the rest of my day, and the thoughts are cycling through my head and super fast speed, and i can't think straight about what i should do or say or react, i will sometimes be able to stop myself and say "thinking" and it activates my brain into the meditative state and if i'm lucky i can self-soothe in that moment.

i hope you will try this out - even half heartedly during this difficult time for you - it's a refuge for your mind - a much needed one in the midst of the chaos and craziness

zig