is this the end....trying not to give up

[tonibertha]

Had another counselling session yesterday. We talked about a past relationship of mine (a physically abusive one). Its clear that i need to raise my standards when it comes to being in a relationship. So i wrote out a list of what i want in a man (a bit premature since i even haven't been chatted up recently - thanks to my 'baby' accessory).

On the H front, there has been no recent contact. I seem to be healing and thinking more in terms of what i want out of life, rather than obsessing over what my H is doing. Thanks to my BB lurking, i have decided to become the very best 'me' I can be. My current goals are:

- Improve my body image (change style of dressing, put more care into my appearance, lose weight - tho i cant stop eating!)

- Become the best mum I can be ( need to start taking DD to places on weekends, such as indoor play centres, parks, farms etc)

- Work on some of the faults H mentioned and things that I have noticed (made a list, working thru that slowly)

- Try to GAL: this one is really difficult, because i work 6 days a week (to pay off debts), and money is really tight, so i'm with DD whenever i'm not at work to save money, as I have no opportunities for free childcare (no relatives nearby). Another problem is that i don't have any friends nearby (i've cut off contact with all my friends, anyway, cos i couldn't stop talking about H, and felt they were bored with the issue (understandably)), so I really have no one to go with. DD is my only human contact when I'm not at work.

- Make new friends: i've become a recluse over the past 4 years, so this is going to be a biggie...

But i'm hopeful...eventually things just have to fall into place...