Apparently, your W did no research on how unhealthy it would be for a 9yr old girl and a 6yr old boy (or whichever the two are) still sleeping together with both parents would be. So, my guess is that was her way of putting walls in the bed to keep out intimacy.....but who knows. Any man would resent having two half-grown kids in the bed with him & W every night! If your lives are too busy due to the kids schedules, etc., it is too busy to "schedule" times & places for sex. Even if you did, it would not replace the emotional intimacy that is needed in a MR.
Considering what you're W has experienced, and her age, she may be thinking that her emotional fulfillment, ego boost, feeling special, sexy, important, etc., will not come through you. If she's felt like this for a long time, then she's given up emotionally on the M. However, she's still a woman and emotionally vulnerable. That leaves her wide open for some other man to say something....or just look into her eyes while she talks....and wham! She's attracted! It really doesn't stop from happening just b/c you know where she is 99% of the time.
She's told you she doesn't want you coming in and being so helpful with the housework, or whatever. So, stop doing so much. She resents it. Mainly, keep your own stuff picked up/cleaned up. Otherwise, it comes across as you over-killing and it turns her off. See what I mean? If you try too hard, it has the opposite desired affect on her.
Work on yourself, but not in a way that you're showing out in front of her. Like the boy who wants to show off his muscles. Don't announce that you're going to the gym or running, etc. Work on having better manners. Be more thoughtful in public & in front of family/friends. Never, ever make a joke about her or embarrass her.
Whatever your personality is.....make it better. Work out the kinks. No, you're not too old to change! Everyone can change if they want to badly enough.
Be happy. Do things that you enjoy and that make you better. Play with your kids. Make them giggle and have fun. Don't do it as a way of "showing her" what a great guy you are, but most women do like to hear their children laughing and having fun with the dad.
Just remember, if she thinks you are doing any of this as a ploy to win her....it won't work. Expect her not to believe your changes will last. And, if you do them for her....they won't. Changes must be for yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
