My Story So Far. Is this even worth saving?

[timbits]

Well, not sure how things are going right now. H and I had a serious talk today. I don't think he realizes how serious, but I think I'm probably going to move out. He said that we're not in love, we're pretty much like "buddies" or roommates and, honestly, I can't disagree with him. He said he doesn't really think we can fix this and that we'll never really be happy. Well, I'm not willing to live with that. Seriously, I'd kill myself if I was going to live the rest of my life like this. I can't do it.

I asked him about me moving out and asked would he be upset, he said he would, but that I had to do what made me happy. It won't make me happy, but I don't even really know any more. I asked him what his parents' would say, he said he'd never hear the end of it. I don't know what to do.

I honestly feel like packing up my stuff and leaving. What is the point? I love him, but I don't think he loves me. I just can't do this any more. I don't want to make any stupid decisions, but I can't live in limbo. I asked him if he meant what he said by if we ever divorced, he wouldn't sue me for spousal support, he'd take the $2k from our savings he contributed and his books and I could have everything else. I don't know. I'm scared. I don't want to divorce him, but I don't want to stay if this is it.

I think I'm going to call the IC. I'm supposed to cat sit for my parents tonight. I just don't know what to do. H is going to a party for a friend. I'm supposed to be going, too, but I think I'll skip it. I just don't feel like going. I feel out of sorts. I have been since my IC session, really.

I think the crux of the matter is H doesn't think I can change.

I probably screwed everything up today.

I don't know if I can change.

If anyone is reading this, can you please give me some advice? I just don't know any more.