Hello, WAW. Is anyone there?

[sandi2]

"Now people are criticizing my decision to move back and I don't really understand why. Why was it OK for other LBHs to go back to their homes, but not me?"

Who ever said it was ok for other LBH to move back? There are some here on the board that would agree with moving back. I'm just not one of them. The LBS's are looking from their POV (which is opposite from the WAS), and I'm looking from your WAW's VP. The one's who agree with moving back, are seeing it like claiming what's rightfully your. I understand that concept completely, and I may have missed reading where anyone had success by doing it, but so far....I don't recall any.

Look, I've seen a lot of breakups in M's that were in my family. The first thing the WAW tries to do is get the LBH to agree to leave the house to give her space and time to think. But once he's out of the house, then she feels that she's won the first round and has more strength or power to keep him out. She had no intention of having him return, don't you get that?

I don't know the legal stand on this, but if she changed the locks and you tried to force your way in, I'm sure all she'd have to do would be call the police. Remember, that you left on your own accord and now she doesn't want you back. She doesn't give a rat's a$$ that she agreed about anything! You are dealing with a different person, now. She's not the girl you M and the sooner you stop trying to think about this with your "logical" brain and start listening to how things work & don't work, the better off you'll be.

There is no logic in the WAW. That's why you are having a difficult time. She is all about feelings. She's angry, she's lonely, she's unhappy, and she's blaming you for all her negative feelings. Is that logical? No! But, she's doing it just the same.

If she doesn't want to live in that house, then suggest that she takes what she needs and move to a temporary place until she finds something she likes. You can keep the children part or most of the time, and she can have them part of the time. But it will only work if she believes you are not trying to scr@w her over. She has to agree with that idea or she'll stay put.

The way you are trying to barge your way back into the house, will set her into an "all or nothing" battle tactic. Even if she doesn't want that house, and even if she doesn't want to be a SAHM, she'll try to crucify you in court. Even though courts are being more sympathetic toward fathers these days, I'm sure her lawyer would play up the fact that you had a history of depression and gone without a job. You may be great with the kids, but the judge will take these other things into account.

I probably shock you with my bluntness. Many have accused me of being "harsh" with LBH's. It's not my goal to try to shoot people down when they are already in pain. I've tried the patting on the back and the "just hang in there and everything will be ok" stuff. It isn't worth very much if you plan to deal with a woman who has the emotions and thought patterns of a true WAW. So, like I said.....I'm just telling you how it is from that POV.

The biggest advice I would give you right now, is get legal representation. Someone very close to me agreed to everything his W wanted (just as you have done)....including leaving the house for a few days to give her space. The next week, she filed for D. While he was still reeling from the shock of not even knowing his M was in trouble....she convinced him to go sign the D papers or he'd be served. She "agreed" to custody of the kids, but now she's moving away with the children. He's completely devastated! He trusted her word. But she doesn't care. She has changed and she's taken everything and left him out to hang. He had no legal representation. He still trusted her to be the person he had always known. Don't make the same mistake.