I know your outing is over and that you did great, so good for you! For future reference, however, change the tune. Maybe say "I'm going to have a great time with D and focus on her because she deserves it."
The hair and the heels and the perfume are all well and good, but to be perfectly honest they're superficial. They will not bring your marriage back.
What are you doing to change you at your core? To change the way you make choices, or react to stress and anxiety in your life, or ask for what you need?
What are you doing to improve your self esteem? To grow as a person? To make YOUR LIFE rewarding FOR YOU?
Do you understand why you chose to step out on your marriage (depression is a context, not a reason)? Why did you feel it was appropriate to do that? Did you not think about the impact on your H and your kids? Were you fulfilled? (These are difficult questions, and I'm not being nasty; just encouraging you to turn over all the stones if you haven't already.)
Why do you want to go back to a marriage in which you could make such a choice? Why do you think your H would want to? (My H cheated and I forgive him (for me) but I grapple with that question...why would I want to reconcile with someone who showed complete disregard for me? I know the changes I'd have to see in him but I won't discuss it with him until he tells me he wants to talk about our R. I'm eight months into it and have no idea what's up with OW, and I don't care.)
You mentioned that you hated to make him angry. Does he have a problem with anger? If he does, why would you want to go there? A relationship where one person has to pussy foot around so as not to anger the other is BAD BAD BAD.
You mentioned responding to positive reinforcement from OM. Did your H not say nice things to you? Why not? Did you tell him you needed that? What other needs were not being met in your M?
As for Facebook....get off it. SO MANY PEOPLE get stuck because they're on Facebook either looking for crumbs from their spouse or responding to crap the homewreckers are posting or getting drawn into adolescent drama around their M, etc, etc. It won't break your life to deactivate for a while or forever. First thing I did after BD is deactivate, and H isn't even on Facebook. There's just WAY TOO MUCH NOISE!
The best thing you can do for you and your kids is to look deep inside and find your strength.
It's perfectly normal to read into what our WAS does and to focus on what they're doing, how they're living, who they're with, especially early on. Often we have the time to obsess about them because we don't have enough going on in our own lives. It's a trap, as is reading into every single little thing they do. Many of us do it even months after BD. Some get stuck there still. It's not helpful so don't even start. Let it go.
DBing is about YOU being the best person you can be FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS. Make your lives as positive and beautiful as you can. Forget about your H for now, except with regards to your D and finances.
IF your H happens to come back tomorrow, next month, next year, unless YOU make changes in YOURSELF you will in all likelihood repeat the relationship dynamic that brought you to this place.
What do you mean by this? 2.) I will accept myself for [b]who I am forced to become[/].
As for this: 4.) I will stop focusing on all the wrongs I did in our R and start remembering all the good things we had. Take an emotional step back from things and have a good, hard OBJECTIVE look at your R.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
