1. I seem much happier than my wife. This is purely speculation as she could be hiding her true happiness as not to hurt my feelings.. but all of our conversations since December have had her having rough times.. either with her mom, or work, or spending the first Christmas together...
No point in really trying to mindread. It's just an observation. Doesn't necessarily mean it's the truth.
2. I am much stronger. Do I struggle with my w, of course.. but the dynamic has greatly shifted in alot of ways. I no longer react to her negativity. I've established boundaries. I've learned to love myself without feeling like I'm not loving her. (That one is still a work in progress)
3. It seems that my w is still confused or kinda foggy. It seems she wants me legally out of her life, but does not want to make the commitment to have me emotionally out of her life. She does what she can handle emotionally at the time.
All of these things have meaning to me, but it also means that my course is still the same. I will continue to protect my heart, work to forgive, let go of my anger... and just be a happy, funny, loving Val.
Val, it seems you, I and our spouses are in much the same place. I saw H on Weds and he seems not very happy, in fact he seemed very uncomfortable. Of course I was cleaning out "his" garage, maybe he was concerned I would pitch all of his "stuff." He was going fishing, he should have at least had a smile on his face!
And for all I know he could be deliriously happy when he's not around me. No good to mind read and none of my business.
Number 2 on your list is my favorite. I am stronger, so much stronger because I have taken the gift of this experience and made it all about me. All about making me a better person, the person I was meant to be.
I've read no one changes until there is enough pain to make them want to change.
We all want change in our spouses, but they did make a change. The only one they were capable of, they said to us, "you are the problem, my life will be better without you, please leave."
As painful as that was, we can be grateful each day for the opportunity to take ownership of what is ours and make real changes in ourselves.
About #3, I think my H has me legally still in his life because it's easier, he doesn't have to make yet another decision. Emotionally, he seems to have excised me but I'm not quite so sure about that either. Again, not my business.
He's a tough nut.
Thanks for making me think and helping me start my gratitude list for today.
(and I didn't pitch his "stuff" it's all neatly stored in a corner of the garage should he ever decide he needs it)
Emotionally, he seems to have excised me but I'm not quite so sure about that either. Again, not my business.
it's all neatly stored in a corner of the garage should he ever decide he needs it)
