My own thread...my sordid story.

[Meredith]

Chum...Bruce and Anchor are here ready and waiting to perform a shopping makeover on you any time you're ready! We'll show you how to spend that dough! Responsibly, of course !

Something else I’d like you to keep in mind. Sometimes doing TOO much for your teenagers teaches them that fairies do these things. They may be waiting a long time for the laundry fairy, the snack fairy, the chauffer fairy and the money fairy when they leave the nest. My good friend and college roommate was one of the fairy-waiters…when she went to college she didn’t know laundry detergent from dish soap (literally, I exaggerate you not!) and had a hell of a struggle trying to learn to do things her mother had always done.

Actually, I’ll elaborate on that because it is a funny story. We went to school in Indiana, but we didn’t live there. Any Notre Dame alumni know how teeny the rooms are (in fact, when I went to a local state university for grad school I thought the freshmen had palaces for dorms!). In this teeny room we had more CRAP than space…all of it hers, all of it matching, all of it purchased or sewn by her mother. We had matching bedspreads and curtains…I kid you not. And every week, her mother (with three other kids at home) would make this long drive to ND and do her laundry, do the dishes, stock her mini fridge, change her sheets, etc. You may think it is ridiculous, but once she called the first week sobbing, her mother felt so guilty for never teaching these skills to her that she just did them for her. My own shark mother finally stepped in and begged this woman to stop! Which, when she saw that she wasn’t doing Kelli any services in the long run, she did.

The thing is, there is no stopping point. If you continue to feel guilty, that guilt will take you on a long drive to their dorm rooms to do laundry! And Kelli, though we love her dearly, is often confused why the world doesn’t stop for her…because it certainly did when she lived at home.

Pam, you are worthy of your own time and attention! The boys will master it as they go. My own 17, almost 18, year-old brother was the outcast when my parents made him move high schools…and they almost went berserk trying to do everything possible so he fit in and was happy. Finally, they gave up on him and went on to be Mr. Popularity all on his own – and content in the knowledge that he did it because of his personality and sense of humor - not the car he drove or the snacks my parents stocked or the allowance he had to spend. He goes to parochial school, so there is strict dress code…but you get the picture.

I know, you’re ready to kick me because my own son can barely speak in sentences and I’m offering advice on raising yours…but I don’t like to see my friends neglected by anyone. And I do see this good friend being neglected by her own self!