Sorry I didn't answer your question, Zig. No, I do not meditate formally. But I have been trying to learn how. Believe it or not, it is very VERY hard for me to focus my mind into silence.
KD, it was by no means a moment of confusion (I would suspect you are being sarcastic!). She know very well that I know the schedule and that I ALWAYS am where I say I will be at the time I say I will be there. That's one of the few upsides to low-grade OCD....punctuality. She just wanted to force me to respond....she knows I have NEVER failed to pick up S when I am supposed to.
Holding this line is difficult, because everything in me wants her to not be in pain or hurt or miss our son. But I have GOT to get off of this roller coaster and she has GOT to start accepting the reality of what is going on here.
I don't know if any of this will ever help my cause to save my family....I won't lie and say that I don't want that still. In fact, I am fearful that closing her out will just push her away more - but bringing her in closer didn't do much good over the long term. Stop doing what doesn't work.....cheesless tunnels....and so on.
I am going to do the best I can to put her out of my mind and enjoy my son when I have him
