This might be my only post before I take my near-dead cousin to the airport... but I'll be back and full of life when my task is finished.
Pamela, your post brought all sorts of things to surface from our MC stint last summer. We discussed this very stuff for quite awhile.
I applaud Anchor for her suggestion about discussing expectations. Our MC has told us that the devil is in the details, and if there is a problem area for one person, it's a problem area for everyone. Therefore, this topic should be addressed and hashed out so that everyone understands what happens. And then you make them sign in blood (OOOH, did I say blood?) that there will be no complaining about the rules if they don't follow them.
Also, MC pointed out that Mr. W's LL might be Acts of Service (and it is), but to be very careful about the motives in doing things for others. And it's not just the Acts LL people who are guilty of this. Clarity: often people do something for others because they are hoping or expecting something in return--whether that be some free time away from the family, a returned act or favor or money.
He had to give Mr. W. a big old bonk on his noggin on this one by saying, "K, if you do things for others, you should do them because you WANT to do them--not to expect something in return." It took my fish 2 or 3 sessions to accept this as a rule to live by (he first debated this hotly...).
So I guess the first step is to recognize those times when you want something from your H or sons. Instead of doing something for them, it would probably be a whole lot easier to ask them for what you want (remember this chapter in the book?)
But know that I have not gotten to that point yet, so I'm hardly qualified to tell you how this works.
More later... almost time to head out.
Hugs! Go YOU!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
