Not sure where to start, Part 3

[wishing, hoping]

So I just found out from H's sister that he took OW to his hometown this weekend. He gave me the sob story that he spent all this time with his mom, but apparently that was a huge lie. He only spent an hour or so with his mom. I feel deceived again, but I really shouldn't be too surprised.

H's sis thinks I am a saint for sticking by him. She said he is lying to everyone. Me, the family, his mom. Maybe even to OW.

I know...no expectations. But I am just reeling right now. I am glad I have this board to vent to. I was feeling so good about myself and feeling confident about my future. Now I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach again.

[jks]

Oh man, I know that feeling. That was the feeling I had when my H took my kids camping with OW and all of his work buddies. Insane that a H can do that to his W. I will never understand.

[wishing, hoping]

I think H regards us as not married anymore. He thinks of himself as single and therefore he is doing nothing wrong. Like he said to me, the reality of the situation is that we are getting divorced and there is someone else. Seriously, his mind is totally screwed up. This has to be MLC. He is just off his rocker.

The worst thing is I have no control. No say in the matter. I need to remove this drama from my life. I cannot let him affect me but he is blatantly disrespecting me at every turn.

I have a coaching session tonight. I hope it helps. I need to get my sanity back. I am living in dysfunction junction.

[vera be fierce]

WH, sorry to hear about this. That your H is lying to everyone including his family seems to suggest that his mind isn't thinking clearly about his situation - i.e., he seems to know it's wrong and that's why he's lying.

I hope your session gives you some relief. Mine today helped tremendously.

[wishing, hoping]

So I find out H's family is not happy about him bringing OW up there. And she did not even get to spend Mother's Day with her kids?? WTF!! H's sister says OW is the spitting image of me!!! Again...WTF!!!

Apparently he called a mutual friend of ours and told her I am spreading rumors about him that he is having an affair and that he has mental issues. I don't know where he got that from. He also lied and told her the marriage has been bad for years and he kept insisting we go to counseling and that he worked and worked to save the marriage and that I refused. I am just so tired of the lying and deception. He told her he just wanted to be happy. She said she told him he is an idiot. He told her I was a wonderful woman and that OW is very sweet and defends me a lot. Well ain't she just a peach. That makes everything okay.

Having such a great day and now trying to lose the anger. I am so tired ofthe lying. It's so draining.

[LIO]

Wow... you are right, our H's are very similar.
I had to stop focusing on the OW. Like yours, mine was 'very similar' to me - except I would never be a OW. I did try to think about what OW was giving though that I wasn't.

Sounds like your H is trying to justify his behavior. Sounds familiar. Good for your friend though!

[wishing, hoping]

Had a good coaching session with Leni. I always feel better after talkin with her. She says I am doing great although I don't feel like I am doing great. She said the A needs to run it's course and that H most definately still feels connected to me. She told me to build on that. Smell great, make home wonderful, and look great and be upbeat. She gave me homework and wants me to get back with her in about two weeks.

Supposed to be nice tomorrow. Heading back to the lake tomorrow with the kids and soaking up the sun. Can't wait!!!

[wishing, hoping]

So had a great day. Slept in and got up and ready to go to the state park. Hiked up to the observation tower to see he beautiful view. Thought D was gonna have a meltdown but she did well. Hiked back and soaked up the sun at the sun while kids swam and played in the sand and then a picnic lunch. Back home for naps and then on the road again for S's soccer game.

Had a conversation with an old friend who always helps me see the forest for the trees and reaffirmed that I am indeed the sane one and H has lost his mind. I need to step off this insanity train before it runs me over.

In a great mood. Feeling strong and sassy. Getting my mojo back. Feels great!! Hope it lasts. H is supposed to be home tomorrow. Preparing myself mentally.

[wishing, hoping]

I also decided to start wearing my wedding ring again. I am still married and I love my ring. It's beautiful and wonderful. It will probably make H angry but I don't care. It's my ring and he can't stop me from wearing it if I want. A reminder that we are indeed still married. Like it or not.

[wishing, hoping]

Today is our wedding anniversary. Not one word about it from H. I didn't expect him to, but deep down it still hurts. He came to S's soccer game when he got home from the airport and wanted us to sit together and was friendly and amicable but once we got home he ate lunch and went straight to "his room".

Bought some body spray yesterday that I really like. It's a light fragrance and it isn't overpowering at all. I also bought some fresh flowers at the store today. I never splurge on that kind of stuff but it's time to turn over a new leaf. Onto a better and brighter me and these days I need to do whatever I can to keep my spirits up.