Well, doesn't it just suck when your own words come back to haunt you???
Yes, Meredith, my H has often requested that I give up some of my jobs to the boys. I have such a hard time with this! It's not control, it's not thinking that only I can do it best. It is pure and simple guilt. I look at H and think: he works so hard! I'm at the house more than him. He shouldn't have to iron, cook, clean, do bills, etc... Oh look! He's sitting on the couch, tired! Maybe a glass of milk and some nice warm cookies straight out of the oven will make him happy.... Not only will I serve it to him, but I will go out there and take the dirty plate and glass away when he is done!"
For the boys: S17 has 2 jobs, and goes to school. Being 17 sucks. He needs time to himself, to figure things out. Next year he will be a senior. These are the last times he'll be able to just have fun. Friends are calling? "Oh, just go...I'll finish up the chores....Oh, you need more money? S, I haven't bought myself anything in ages. I gave up drinking coffee because I hate spending the $6 on myself... Yes, I realize that you look good in clothes from Abercrombie. O.k., here is $45 for a t-shirt. I will just make due with the jeans I have had for 2 years."
S15 has a brilliant mind. He is working hard to maintain a 4.0. He stresses himself out about this, and needs the downtime after school. "You need to relax and play Game Cube, S15? Oh, go ahead...you worked hard today. I'll do the chores....Oh, your friends and you all need a ride to the Mall? Well, I'm tired, but I know how you feel about not fitting in because of your academic record. I will do whatever I can to ensure that you fit in with everyone."
"S11...You have come a long way. You used to be antisocial, now you've finally developed a fun, outgoing personality. Oh! Your friends are at the door! I'd hate for you to go back to your loner days. Go on out..I'll do the chores.... You want HOW many kids over today? Well, I will have to run to the store to get snacks for everyone. I'm kind of tired, S. But, I do want you to continue with the great strides you have made... O.K., give me an hour to get some things ready for everyone!"
Oh my Gosh! I had to type that to see what I was doing! That did not feel so good. Let me go for broke then, and continue on to me, and what I am saying to myself through these actions: "P, everyone else's lives are more important than yours. So what if you don't have time to pursue the things you enjoy! So what if you never spend a dime on yourself! Most H's would LOVE to have a thrifty wife like you! Your H is well cared for, your kids will all grow to be successful because you have given them every opportunity you could."
