ha ha - Well KD we all know a little thing or two about "perspective"
I definitely got a little flustered with the R conversation. I probably pushed a little too hard, but some times it worth the risk to change the status quo.
Looking back - I have a couple of feelings. I will try not to dwell in these but here they are.
1. I seem much happier than my wife. This is purely speculation as she could be hiding her true happiness as not to hurt my feelings.. but all of our conversations since December have had her having rough times.. either with her mom, or work, or spending the first Christmas together...
No point in really trying to mindread. It's just an observation. Doesn't necessarily mean it's the truth.
2. I am much stronger. Do I struggle with my w, of course.. but the dynamic has greatly shifted in alot of ways. I no longer react to her negativity. I've established boundaries. I've learned to love myself without feeling like I'm not loving her. (That one is still a work in progress)
3. It seems that my w is still confused or kinda foggy. It seems she wants me legally out of her life, but does not want to make the commitment to have me emotionally out of her life. She does what she can handle emotionally at the time.
All of these things have meaning to me, but it also means that my course is still the same. I will continue to protect my heart, work to forgive, let go of my anger... and just be a happy, funny, loving Val.
If she doesn't see it... that's fine. It's not her loss.. just her choice. One that she is allowed to make.. without judgement.
Somewhere in the last week, I have gotten back my compassion for where she is in her journey. When she told me she didn't know... I was surprised at my lack of anger at that.
After all... I just spent 5 months figuring myself out and not really sure what I was supposed to do....
..she deserves the same.
I will continue to leave the rope dropped and will try to leave my anger with it.
Should God want our paths to cross again someday, he will make it happen.
Until then... I will keep on keeping on... with a smile on my face, and peace in my heart.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
