My own thread...my sordid story.

[Meredith]

Hmmm...are you sure it wasn't MY H who was having the talk with you? Because that is how he would feel as well. It actually reminds me that I need to remember that men (especially aliens) hear things differently than us.

Ok, here are my thoughts...

You said that you wanted him to call because he WANTED to and not because he felt obligated to…correct?

So, maybe what he heard was more along the lines of “not only am I obligated to call, I am obligated to want to call so badly that I must climb any mountain to do so”. Then, as we all are guilty of from time to time…he begins to feel the pressure. Because if he doesn’t call now, it looks like he was intentionally not calling simply because you told him not to if he didn’t WANT to. So, he has to call to keep you from feeling like he didn’t want to call. He doesn’t like to HAVE to do things…he wants to do them on his own accord and his own timeframe. He probably feels like you robbed him of that by stating that you wanted him to WANT to call. It is back on your time frame now.

Pam honey, he wouldn’t call unless he wanted to in the first place. We all know that they ONLY do what they want to do when it comes to a relationship in limbo land!

I understand completely what you meant by the phrase when you said it. You were trying to remove the pressure…but he didn’t see it that way, he saw it as you adding pressure to him to play your way. It is a crossing of tongues…we speak different languages. Maybe a good goal for you would be to work on leaving the ball in his court without anything verbal attached. Then he may feel less pressure and you could be assured that the things he does do are done because he wants to do them (what a hideous sentence that was!).

This may tie more to the security issue also. You may have needed some affirmation that he truly wanted to call…so you put the ‘want’ stipulation on his phone calls.

Feel free to tell me to swim my way to hell…because today is not a good advice day for Anchor! He’s a tired, hungry old shark…