Quote: I think we need to figure out what happens or doesn't happen to start that insecurity feeding frenzy... something tells me it is something that can be "cured". So share when you're ready... and not a moment before.
This does deserve a lot of thought, so I will not make a quickie reply here. I am really going to think this through. I may even ask H for help.
By the way, he called again tonight! He said he had to hurry, because he was calling from his work phone. Plus, I could hear all kinds of guys in the background.
I understand the deeper meaning here... "Pam, I heard what you said about calling, and I am making it a priority."
Go me!
It was a short, yet funny conversation. The best thing? I could hear his friends talking about what we were saying. So, he was secure enough to call HIS WIFE in front of (among other people) a buddy from work. It does not escape my muddled thought process that he stayed with a different friend from work when he moved out, so.... I see this as a big positive! Does that make sense? I am happy because it feels to me like a big step in letting the people from work know that there's still something here. Ha! The glass is half full tonight, girls!!!
I may have to turn over the chair position for the meeting today...with a sick kid I am wiped out! And with all your PMA, wow, you deserve it!
I agree with Bruce...something puts some blood into your water and causes these fish-attack urges. And I know you are so glad that you didn't act on them because now look...H is calling like a good boy and all is well.
Could he kindly phone my H and give him a few pointers? Please? From one x-box junkie to the next...
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
Important Breakthrough! I am still thinking about this insecurity thing, so I don't have an answer to that. The breakthrough? I just realized I am not sitting here trying to justify my stupid behavior!!! I am somewhat embarrassed about it, to tell the truth. For once, I am not seeing things as "Why does H make me act like this?" I am saying, "why do I do this to us?"
Well, it's not rocket science, but I think that I just repaired a big hole in my life!!!
Thanks Betsey. I am still pondering your thread. This is a lot of hard work, isn't it? But, Damn, Betsey, I have so much hope too! I feel like you guys help me cut through all of the stuff that just didn't matter. I foolishly thought THAT was the tough stuff! Ha! That was just the crusty stuff on top of the tough stuff!!! Someday my H will be ready to listen to all of this. But, for now, I will just respect his need for no R talks.
And now, I'm off to put on a sexy little number for a certain boy who is going to be pampered tonight....
Last night H and I had a brief talk about my request that he call because he wants to...
He said that it was just another way that I manipulated him. He said I put a guilt trip on him to call.
Can someone make me understand this? I really can't grasp the concept of the manipulation here. And, I was lucky to get this much out of him, so continuing this conversation will most likely leave me in the same spot.
I am willing to listen, so whack away! I honestly am puzzled.
Hmmm...are you sure it wasn't MY H who was having the talk with you? Because that is how he would feel as well. It actually reminds me that I need to remember that men (especially aliens) hear things differently than us.
Ok, here are my thoughts...
You said that you wanted him to call because he WANTED to and not because he felt obligated to…correct?
So, maybe what he heard was more along the lines of “not only am I obligated to call, I am obligated to want to call so badly that I must climb any mountain to do so”. Then, as we all are guilty of from time to time…he begins to feel the pressure. Because if he doesn’t call now, it looks like he was intentionally not calling simply because you told him not to if he didn’t WANT to. So, he has to call to keep you from feeling like he didn’t want to call. He doesn’t like to HAVE to do things…he wants to do them on his own accord and his own timeframe. He probably feels like you robbed him of that by stating that you wanted him to WANT to call. It is back on your time frame now.
Pam honey, he wouldn’t call unless he wanted to in the first place. We all know that they ONLY do what they want to do when it comes to a relationship in limbo land!
I understand completely what you meant by the phrase when you said it. You were trying to remove the pressure…but he didn’t see it that way, he saw it as you adding pressure to him to play your way. It is a crossing of tongues…we speak different languages. Maybe a good goal for you would be to work on leaving the ball in his court without anything verbal attached. Then he may feel less pressure and you could be assured that the things he does do are done because he wants to do them (what a hideous sentence that was!).
This may tie more to the security issue also. You may have needed some affirmation that he truly wanted to call…so you put the ‘want’ stipulation on his phone calls.
Feel free to tell me to swim my way to hell…because today is not a good advice day for Anchor! He’s a tired, hungry old shark…
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
