Brit, I didn't get a change to read all the posts, son not sure if anything similar has been shared.
When I M my W, I adopted her then 3yo D. So I have been the father figure in D14's life for 12 of those years.
So 2 years ago, (then) D12 basically disowned me. While she did visit with me a bunch, a lot of it revolved around pressure from W and attempts to encourage visits by me.
Now... pretty much nothing...
There are many reasons why I suspect that D14 is not visiting, due to W's opinion of me. Could I be wrong? Of course. But at the very least, I know that when W is being nice to me, it seems D14 has been more open to visits. When W is pissed at me, D14 shuts down on me.
So while I appreciate that you would like your H to spend time with your S... there is likely a dynamic that you really do not see. Either H has tried and its not working. Or H feels uncomfortable because he can't think of what to talk to S about that doesn't come back around to talking about you...
My W gave my kids very specific instructions to not talk to me about her nor anything she was doing. It has been a huge struggle to come up with stuff to talk about, when it revolves the kids and their life... because hey...
"So what did you do last weekend?"
"oh, nothing..." or "We went... somewhere..." or "I don't want to talk about it..."
It's a horrible position for the kids to be in... and I'm pretty sure that's another big reason why D14 does not want to visit... I am pretty good at avoiding that stuff now, but I know the kids have a bad taste in their mouths over the "practice" sessions...
D9... we have a different bond... she's my bio D... and she's loyal to both parents equally, as far as I can tell...
D14... not so much... while she has not problem with me being her dad, and I have not heard the "you're not my REAL dad" comment... the unfortunate truth for me is... unless D14 WANTS to hang with me... and initiates talks and requests to visit...
