crimson, so sorry for your pain and what you are going through. i really hope you can find peace soon, as you 'drop the rope'
it probably doesn't make you feel any better, but i'll say it anyway. everything i've read on this page - your posts and the responses and advice you're getting, is tremendous for me right now. so at the least, realize that what you are going through - all your pain - is also giving others a chance to get to the place they need to get to, maybe a bit sooner than they would have on their own...
what your C said to you - i got the exact same a couple of days ago - a bit more brutally, and it's a painful message to receive, but really an important one - it is the heart of our difficulties - this tie that we insist on allowing, even though everything and everyone around us is screaming 'drop that rope" - it's almost like we can't hear that message and realize that that is the ONLY thing that can save us and possibly save the situation.
i read somewhere, that only when the need for relief from the pain gets bigger than the pain itself are we finally able to let go. so focus on wanting the relief MORE than you want the pain, and it will help you in that direction
take care zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
