I don’t post much but for some reason your story caught my eye. I want you to know that we are all human and we think therefore we will make mistakes. Learning from our mistakes is what make us grow and flourish in life. From your H’s prospective he has been hurt and he is trying to self medicate with the OW. Time is your friend, actually your best friend. Getting with someone else after a long term marriage doesn’t stop that hurt it only adds to the problem. I know everyone on here wants a fix it now solution but life doesn’t work that way. Be patient and work through your issues. Write a list of the things that are important in life. Think about what truly makes you happy. Do the things that make you happy. Read and read some more and learn everything you can. One day down the road you will need all of this information.
If you love someone set them free! Think about that. How cool is it to be strong and confident enough to let the person you love be free? It will surprise you. Remember your actions are what he is watching. I don’t know one person that doesn’t find a strong confident person attractive. Debbie downer has never been attractive and people can see right through someone being fake. Time is still your friend.
From this point forward this is all about you. When you think about him, STOP! You can’t control what your H has in his head. You don’t even know what he has on his mind. Don’t let that take over your mind. The only person that we can control are ourselves. Start working on taking back control of your life. Don’t try and slide around the hard work because that is just setting you up for failure. Work hard and play hard and if you are religious pray harder. Work on forgiving yourself for the mistakes you have made then work on forgiving your H for his mistakes. Forgiveness is an awesome little gift.
Learn to love yourself again. Only when you truly love yourself can you ever love someone else.
You seem to be heading in the right direction and I hope you continue. Keep on keeping on, it’s the only way out.
Take care!
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
Everytime I feel like I'm doing good and I'm able to deal with all this he does something to shake me to my core. I have been doing so good the last two days. So good. My H posted pics of him and his GF on facebook under an album titled 'Happy!' It shook me to my core. I am going crazy here.
Dawn, I am sorry you're here, but welcome to the board. Like some of the others mentioned, there's not judgment here. We're here to support you.
Originally Posted By: Dawn10275
My H posted pics of him and his GF on facebook under an album titled 'Happy!' It shook me to my core. I am going crazy here.
At this juncture, you're probably best off if you either block his feed or de-friend him. Seeing these kind of updates is only going to make you miserable. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to control what he does or doesn't do.
Good morning Dawn, This field trip with your H and D today gives U the perfect situation to show the "New Dawn", and a good situation to use the DB techniques and the goals you have set for yourself. Go have fun, look good, smell good, and show some confidence in yourself.
I did great. I didnt initiate any conversion with H, I allowed him to start all conversations. I definately didn't talk about our R. We had a great day, we laughed a lot and just enjoyed ourselves. I did my hair the way he likes it, looked cute considering we were going to a farm, and wore my perfume. We just had a good time until his cousin interfered. I did my best DB i could and showed him the newer happier Dawn. Hope he's noticing.
Good job Dawn..Im glad you had a good time. And U will see that relatives and friends will interfere with your plans and life, just dont let it shake you up.........Head high, smile on, and keep marching forward.
Dawn, sorry to see that you are here...but I like your goals on page 1...especially the high heels.
What Seminole wrote is outstanding, in my opinion - can't add much more than that, but I will try. It really comes down to focusing on you...allowing yourself to reflect from within and become happier and more self confident in your own skin. It's very hard...believe me, I'm sure everyone on here still struggles daily. But, it does appear that you are moving in the right direction...there will be bumps in the road but stay focused, stay strong and do what's right for you and your children.
My sitch is a bit similar, no infideltiy...but I totally get your feelings of anxiety and fear to bring things up with your H. My W feels (or at least felt at this point) the same way and that always killed me. I've been a work in progress over the last few years but not enough for my W. I am at peace with that now, I have forgiven myself and have forgiven my W...and I am now on a very good path of self reflection and emotional connection with the one's I love and my surroundings. Don't beat yourself up over what your H is doing...he will need to do the same self reflection. M is a two way street and he is just as responsible for your sitch than you are. If he can't take responsibility for that and doesn't "work" on his own self worth and well being for himself...than do you really want to be with him? Your lives will never be the same again...your M isn't working for who you two are now. The only way a R is if you both come to peace with it all, forgive the past...and become better individuals...again, not for the R but for yourselves. Only two emotionally stable, self confident, self sufficient, happy people can come together at this point. Time will tell...use this time wisely for yourself. If anything...the worst that could happen is a better you.
Take care Dawn...sending you hugs. ((((((Dawn))))))
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
