golf mom, When the mler feels threatened, they will talk in circles and you will not get straight answers. Think back to when you were a teenager and your parents would question you about something that you didn't feel comfortable addressing. You might have hemmed and hawed over the answers.
Is it controlling to ask questions? No, but in his mind he feels very threatened and he doesn't like you to question him. Keep in mind, he thinks he knows everything and you are the dumb one. The more questions that you ask, the more he has to think about what he's done/doing and believe me, he's not happy doing that. He's not sure whether he's ready to completely end the relationship w/you or not. Just as a child is learning to walk, they want independence to do so, but want mom near by just in case they are ready to fall and mom will catch them. The more you question him, the more confused and aggravated you are going to get. You are expecting him to answer your questions like a rational person...he's not.
Please call a professional about the refinancing and the PMI and don't rely on your h or the person he spoke with. You need to get your own information because you do not know what he's told this person. We have to assume that he's not planning to return any time soon and you need to have a plan in place if that is the case.
Please stop all relationship talks with him. The more you push, the harder he is going to pull away. I know you want answers right this minute, but you aren't going to get them. He's on the Mother Ship and it's going to take a very long time before he returns to earth as a rational and mature adult who knows what he wants at the end of the day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
