What is going on here... and what do I do?

[LIO]

Part Deux for today

Went to IC tonight. Got called out on the carpet lol. More about that in a bit.

BUT....

Tonight I did something I never did before. I went to a bar, with a girlfriend and it was karaoke night. I sang. I can't believe it. I did it! I never did that before. I thought 'well, what the hell, why not?'
I sang a Johnny Cash version of NIN's Hurt. It was awesome! I was nervous, but knew it by heart and sang it.
I loved it! Everyone said I did a good job. Who knows but it was fun and scary! I was given 3 song requests for the next time I go in: Carrie Underwood "before he cheats" (oh how I can relate to that), Shania Twain 'Any man of mine' and a duet of 'Picture from Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow (another song I can relate to).

I called H all excited about what I did. He wouldn't know about it otherwise and I wanted to show him YES I can go out and have a good time, thank you very much. Enough of me sitting at home and waiting. This LIO LEO is ready to roar.

So IC:
We talked about all the things that I have improved on since last session. Finished the book CoDependent No More. Talked about that. Talked about my plans, how I was focusing on me. I also mentioned how I was just 'letting' H go out and do his thing, and he can figure out his own path. The therapist thought she was talking to a different person than the week before. I learn fast I guess.... Anyway. at the end of the session, she called me out on something that I've heard a couple times before, but dismissed. She said that 1) my job is not stimulating to me. (I usually dismiss this but she is right, I'm bored). I'm intelligent (sure.) I use my H as a way to deal with the boredom because we play a cat/mouse game with each other (true) that keeps us occupied. And people like me are dangerous because we play with others' emotions and feelings (I've heard this before from a friend) because we like to 'see' how they react.

So next week, we discuss what to do with my brain.

I really did recognize a lot of what she was saying. I also heard my H in that too. Which is why I always said we make a wonderful team together when we are good. We have different strengths (mine is more book knowledge/business side of things/feelings his is creativity) and we are powerful when we work together. WE both do cat/mouse when we are bored with life.
I did tell H about this. I'm not try to convince him of anything about the relationship at this point, but I mentioned that I recognize so much similarities between us, which is what attracted me to him, and I know he doesn't understand why no one else thinks like that. I did admit that I did do the cat/mouse game, and that I know he does it too, and that is a waste of time for both of us. He also understood why I was so upset when he involved someone else who 'took' my place in the business.

Anyway I know he was unsure of what to say because it wasn't about 'US' in a married sense. Just our behavior in general.

My goal isn't to convince him of anything - I was just excited that there was a reason for what we/me do and next week I learn more.