No I haven't. I know that I haven't. I Don't know if I haveb't forgiven myself be ause it's easier to blame myself and wallow a bit in self pity or because it hurts to think of him with someone else and I think that I ended it so this is what I get. This is what I wanted. Made your bed etc. I am more and more coming to terms with the facts which are that we were both unhappy and both ill equipped on how to communicate with each other. I think I'm more upset with myself for the way I acted immediately after the split. I'm seeing it all through different eyes and I'm a bit ashamed. I was selfish, thought of no one but myself, and practically threw "I'm so much happier without you" in his face.
I have never apologized to him for this (and don't worry I'm not bringing it up) I'm just remembering that anytime we talked about it I've always said "well I thought you didn't care" "why didn't you tell me you were upset I was dating" I never simply said "I'm sorry that hurt you" "I'm sorry I didn't look at it more through your eyes" so I feel that is some growth
I'm happy you said its a cycle and not to be too hard on myself. As soon as I'd thought I've had such a calm peaceful night all these thoughts keep rushing in!
