I am new here, have been reading the forums for couple of weeks now.My W of 21 yrs tells me shes not happy in our R.I am shocked she feels this way.I had felt things where going down hill for few months now but had no idea she felt.Her mom has cancer and recieved new liver 2 yrs ago and recently her best friend and asst at work was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer, I thought it was this taking its toll on her.
I am human and have made mistakes in our M.She said I make her feel unimportant and like her opinions dont count.I had no idea that I was doing this,she said im silent and withdrawn, this i can relate to and am working to do better.She tells me she doest know if she has anything left to work on our M. We have 3 children 10 and under who think life is perfect.They have never witnessed anythig between us but low grade anger.W wanterd to seperate when she told me, we talked for long time that night.My impression was that next day we would tell kids and i would leave.Next morning she said she wanted things we talked about, family vacations, 2 parent home, family life.Asked if I could stay and give her space and act as "roommates".That was 3 weeks ago everything seems ok , no fighting pleasent atmosphere no itimacy.I have got DR and have been doing 180's, being more helpful, letting W know if im gonna be late, ingaging in conversation.also i got the ILYBANILWY also I am sure there is not OM involved as i know wher she is 99% of the time . More later
The advice to save your marriage is counterintuitive. Let her go.
DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE MASTER BEDROOM If she wants to move then you can not stop her.
She is asking for SPACE, give it to her. Get out and GAL. DETACH. Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.
DON'T MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. You should talk to an atty, if you haven't done so already, just so that you understand your rights, responsibilities, potential threats, etc.
Don't rule out some sort of online EA -- it's very, VERY common, and if your wife was feeling neglected, she may have found comfort from someone else flattering her and listening to her problems.
Little more history.W and I are high school sweethearts and have never been apart (seperated) from one another in 28 yrs.Married 11yrs befor first child.One of the things that came out when she dropped the "bomb" was that she thought I resented our kids.That they were the most important things (I agree)to her and she would do anything for them. I have on occasion complain about have in to drive them to practices and things (4 to 5 days a week)every week, but I certianly dont resent my children! I am the parent who disiplins more often, and she thinks im to hard on them sometimes.We actully get all kind of comments on how well behaved they are, when we are out, they also do excellent in school. I have been taking a more laid back approch to that since it was brought to my attention.ML were never big issue for most part alright, but that being said having 3 kids in the span of 4 yrs, 2 of which spleep with us, i would have liked more alone time with W.
I am more laid back than W (lazy is how she put it) W is very strong willed, me not so much.
Do not make the same mistake that will all seem to, stop any chasing now. Also do not seek to appease, if she wants space then give it to her, but make her move to get it. Focus on yourself and being the best Dad you can be for your kids.
M 53, W 48 T 25, M 18 S 15, D 11 "I'me done!" 6/13/2010 Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed Separated 1/16/2012
Yes they still do, so that pretty much squashes and spontaneous ML.When I noticed that things were not right in M I started 180's before I even knew what 180 was. I had a job for 19 yrs that I always had to work at least 1 weekend day, 2 years ago started new business that required me to put in lot of hours, never really kept W informed about when I'd b home ect.... Dumb on my part! Now that it's up and running well I have more time to b home and help I think this bothered W because she said that she had figured out how to do it without me, then I started trying to b more helpful(maybe to helpful)..by then I think she was already pulling away, little to late where her words.
