RealTime Communication feedback/critique

[Broken74]

AprilT, Brit45, adinva, and oltimer thank you again.

I appreciate your feedback I am going to heed the advice of letting some of the words sink in. I am not tying to portray myself as the best thing since sliced bread. I'm 38, I have two failed marriages, and am a recovering alcoholic. I have a good job and make a lot of money which helps me validate myself as a person. I have done a lot more good things for my W and stepkids than I have bad. Nobody on this message board or anywhere else for that matter is going to convince me otherwise. I made mistakes in my marriage, but I truly do not deserve what I have been through in the past 8 months. My W should have been supportive of me instead of throwing me away. People keep ragging me because I talk about the things I did for her. She was a bankrupt single mother of 3 with the children sharing one bedroom. I AM NOT SAYING THAT LOOKING DOWN HER THAT IS FACT. IIIIII got them out of that situation, ME. The inherent stress in doing that made me turn to alcohol in the wrong way a few times and as a result I said things I shouldn't have said. IN SPITE OF THIS GIVEN EVERYTHING I DID FOR THEM I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE DISCARDED FOR A HANDFUL OF INSTANCES OF ALCOHOL INDUCED DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH. Nobody is going to convince me otherwise of that either. I am a genuinely a nice guy and have a large circle of friends who would do anything for me, and I in turn would give them the shirt off my back.

I've had therapists. They don't help. I suggested to them that I may be narcissist or sociopath but they say I'm not. I go to church and pray, that helps some but apparently not enough. I read books too obviously but that doesn't help either. I'm trying to do the right thing, starting by ending the R with the 25yo.

My W called me today and we had a nice conversation, she was laughing and jovial, which is good considering the situation with my sister. She asked me how much the flowers were and I told her not to worry about it. Then she took the otherwise fun jovial conversation into the alley by saying "oh but you'll get mad about it in a month when we're not dating. That's always what you do when you help me financially you throw it back up in my face." I responded, it's been nice talking to you, no need to end on a sour note. I can understand how you feel that way, I guess we'll have to see what happens. I hope your sister continues to improve and I hope you have a good weekend.

We've had nothing but positive interactions for roughly a month. Last negative exchange was mid-April. That roughly a month includes some dark time.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because it's working. The "when we're not dating in a month" statement hurts but believe nothing they say and only 50% of you read right.

So I'm going to take some time off and see if I can figure myself out. And I sincerely appreciate the feedback on my sitch, I have been provided many things to reflect on and I will spend some time doing so.

Thanks again to you all and good luck in your respective sitch's!