Going around in circles

[angel61]

And CTflor, no, there's nothing you said that made me uncomfortable. Its OK, I have been in situations myself when I pushed my ideas to other posters as well!!!! and I have also been the recipient of advice in the past and 2x4's that really helped me! Many times in the past I wanted to write letters to H, or become the WAW, and people had stopped me
.... and all I could be now is thankful or else I would be in a broken family, having to deal with my D's anxiety,alone, at this point!

I have only been resistant to Starsky's push for setting boundaries because I see it as trying to control the R. And I have tried that tack so far and it failed me....

My H is still in the tunnel, that I am sure of. But he is peeking out. I do realize now that actually, I was the one making a big deal out of OW.

And talking about prayer, yes! I have been praying so much, asking for guidance. And God has been good to me. More than once, I had received insight on what to do, very specific ones.

For instance, a year ago I had prayed for Him to give me a date on when our sitch would turn around. And he did, in the Bible. On that exact date, something happened that made my H tell me that he had decided that he was not going to leave the M. It wasn't what I thought it would be, but it was definitely a start.

This recent happening, again I had a sign from God that I should just hang in there and pray with my hands off. On the MOnday after our rock bottom weekend, I was praying and suddenly had an insight that God would take care of things.

The next weekend, I learned that the XOW now has someone special and is planning to be married soon.

That when I also realized that I was making a big deal of things and actually what my H has been saying all along that he and only had contact with OW lately due to work was true.

I think every M has their own characteristics. Me and H, we were never the type to give up our individual freedom, I do not want total transparency, I don't need to know his every move, nor would I want him to know my every move. Yikes! For me that is too much!

Even with my D, I I have no "boundaries".... very loose, negotiable ones at most!

I am a person who does not really like rules or authority that much - I tend to rebel against any authority figure (like Starsky.... hehehe). I love breaking rules (especially those that don't make sense) and getting away with it ----- as long as I am not harming anyone, and as long as I am still operating within my values and morals. Classify me as a "free spirit", a "restless soul".