Thanks oldtimer,

Man I cannot do anything right in you guys eyes I swear... I think part of the problem is the way I write these things out.

1) I am working on me, I'm sober. Alcohol has played a significant role in the screwups in my life include my M's.
2) The 25yo knows I do not have a filed divorce. She knows about the charges, jail everything. She does not not I have thoughts of reconciliation so I have been lying in that respect by not divulging that information. I am ending things with her.
3) Perhaps forbid is the wrong word. When we were still arguing and I asked if I could do something with the kids she said no. My oldest SS is 16, the DB coach said I would be in bounds to see if he wanted to do something because he is old enough to make his own decisions. So I did, and he wants to hang out, which I am happy for. The dynamic between me and W is changing for the better, so I don't feel like I'm "going behind her back" since SS can make his own choices.
4) I am not minimizing my abuse. I own it, I did it, as a result of it and wanting to talk to the OM I spent a night in jail for it. How the hell am I minimizing it now? Look at my recent discussions with my W I paste them word for word. Our communications are calm and reasonable lately, because I have finally PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST. My abuse is in the past too so I AM ALSO LETTING IT GO. I was wrong, IT COST ME MY MARRIAGE. Please explain how I am minimizing it TODAY. It is easy to go back and poke holes in things someone said months ago but my ACTIONS recently are what has my W pulling back toward me. There is more than one way to skin a cat.
5) I went to a number of AA meetings. I have made my amends with people I wronged and continue to do so. If I am tempted to drink I'll go to another meeting, I'm sure this will sound conceited but I have better things to do with my time.

The 25 year old's aunt was killed by a drunk driver. As a result she has never drank, never will, and will never be with a man who drinks.

You're right I have self esteem issues. I grew up as an overweight kid and weighed 300lbs at one point. When I got into shape for the first time in my life I morphed into the self centered prick here who can do no right.

And no I don't feel that way. If I felt that way why would I continue to put myself through further emotional turmoil to try and save my marriage. BECAUSE I LOVE MY WIFE THAT"S WHY.

As far as I know the only woman I have been with who has been sexually abused was my W, and like I said I don't even know the whole story there. Somehow that probably makes me an a$$hole too.

Man I appreciate the feedback but you guys are killing me. I shouldn't have got into this R with another woman. I get it, I wish I didn't but it happened. When you know your wife is continuing to see the man SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH it affects your judgement.

My sitch with my W is the best place it's been since it started. I am happy about that. I hope it continues to improve. I hope she is coming to me in her time of crisis because she's having second thoughts. It's entirely possible that she came to me because because money is tight and she needed something. I willingly am putting my heart on the line because I LOVE HER.

We had this exchange this morning and I am leaving her be, she knows how to reach me if she needs something or wants to talk:

Me: Hey, I hope you got some good rest last night. Any update?

W: She's in a regular room and is improving. I'll be leaving the house soon and going there to stay for the next few nights. Thanks for the plant it's pretty.

Me: Good I'm glad to hear it. You're welcome, I hope the card was appropriate. If you need anything let me know ok? I'm not going to pester you because I know you have a lot going on.

Hey, maybe I managed not to $*@" that one up!!! lol

Thanks again oldtimer and everyone who has taken the time to read and post, and good luck to all in your respective sitch's!


me 38
W 30
T 3
M in 05/2010
Separated 08/2011
Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8
I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5
Anxiously waiting on the judge!