WAW within 9 months of wedding

[FuzzyBear]

My WAW began complaining about lack of love and affection within 2 weeks of our M and after 8 years of dating (I was her first serious boyfriend). WAW complained that there was not a feeling of "post wedding bliss". These complaints resurfaced several times over the next 9 months. We discussed and together dismissed these complaints as her work stress, PMS and high expectations.

However, Dec'12 WAW started to share these intimate issues with a male colleague (OM) and developed an emotionally connected relationship with OM within 2 weeks. She believes that OM is her soul mate because their connection is so real and so strong.

WAW moved out of home Jan'12 to think things over. In the first month, she felt extremely confused, guilty and immoral. She blamed our marriage breakdown on issues in our relationship, different personalities, and her parents and family expectations. She did not take responsibility for addressing our marital issues (her words) and I feel that she has not taken responsibility for the A when she says that she "was not looking for it but the feelings were so strong and real". She only listened to people that agreed with her current views. Her family wanted her to R but she felt that they were forcing their views on her. Her values of "never divorce after marriage" changed to "never divorce after having children".

She gets confused whenever she catches up with me for a meal and chat. But in Feb'12 WAW was firm that she didn't want R but was not 100%.

I have done a lot of reading and self reflection and agree that I contributed greatly to her feelings in our M by not responding and expressing love and affection in a way that she appreciates. I want to grow and R as I love my wife deeply.

Up until Mar'12, I tried to be the caring and loving H that she wanted through calling and text but was very depressed even in front of WAW. It seemed fake to WAW and was actually "suffocated". I was so hurt that I went NC (no contact). At this point she started to miss me and stopped talking to me about OM.

However, until now there has been very little WAW initiated contact. The exception being when WAW needed to pick up belongings. Once or twice WAW would ring me up to "update" me on her life (looking for apartments, buying furniture, moving house, job, etc). It's typically up to 2 weeks between contact. However, she has wished happy birthday to my sister and myself as well as happy mother's day to my mother.

I don't read much into this since she didn't contact me when she missed me. Worse still, she is always Whatsapp online first thing in the morning, all throughout the day (3-4 times an hour) and last thing at night. This week I managed to force myself to stop being so obsessive over checking Whatsapp, emails and FB. It was a massive step forward.

Over the last 2 weeks, I started to accept that nothing I do can influence her and in fact is would be better for her to work it out for herself on her own journey. The devastating days and hours are now further apart and my bounce back from it is getting faster.

I am trying LRT and to stay caring and patient after having worked through my own feelings of anger, betrayal and deep anxiety before I went NC. I have begun eating and exercising properly and contacting close friends and family to achieve GAL. Re-started my old car racing hobby that stopped after M (weekends were spent house hunting during M).

I just worry that with NC there are extremely few opportunities for WAW to see any changes in me that may sway her.