19, to be exact, CV. Much earlier we had discussed it and I told her I was willing to be flexible because she was showing signs of wanting to work on R....even said as much. Under those circumstances, I was will to do whatever it takes to help her heal and get our family back on track over time. Even if it meant her taking some time off back home with S for a few weeks.
Once she indicated that she didn't want to work on things, i.e. "I would encourage you to go find someone new and have more kids" - that was it for me. Now, I don't know if she was saying that out of anger to hurt me because she was pissed about the settlement hearing, but she said it. And I am taking it as she means it. My ability to be flexible in the name of repairing our lives together is gone. She wanted a lawyer, she wanted a divorce - then she can live with the terms that result from that.
For the record, even under the BEST of circumstances if I would have asked her for 19 consecutive days she would have told me to go to hell. EVERYTHING that I have asked for time-wise (and it hasn't been much) she has rejected- the holidays, parts of his birthday - and so on. I am surprised she doesn't have to book a third seat on the plane for her enormous set of balls.
Sorry, just hurt and angry and in disbelief. And, sadly, still in love. But I know it is time to let it go for now, possibly forever.
