Quote: It will almost start the same cycle in reverse. He isn’t exactly Mr. Innocence…and we KNOW what happened when you continued to bring it up to him!
I KNOW!!! Part of me wants to sceam, "Why are you conveniently forgetting that I was crazymaking over what YOU DID!" But, that would go nowhere.
Quote: Pamela, I agree with Meredith on setting new boundaries. After all, you guys are forging a new R with each other, aren't you?
Well, that's what I thought! I just don't know how to approach this, because he can easily say that he's not trying to 'forge' anything, because he still doesn't know what he wants. Part of me wants to ask him where he sees himself in 6 months...or where he'd like to see himself... But, I do not want to pressure or pursue.
My Counselor just called me! She wanted to know how I was, and if my H was talkative after the session last night. I said he was, but that I didn't understand where he was going with it all! I gave her the rundown, and she said she could understand why I was confused! She also was surprised at some of the things he brought up because it had nothing to do with what they discussed. She said he has a great fear of "what if this doesn't work out?" She said she is working on him to quit dwelling on the negative and start making positive changes. I told her that I have no idea which direction he is going, and that I can't keep rehashing the past, and she agreed. She said we will "work on this" next week. Oh, yes, I was invited back into the group!
Wow, instant update- My H just called me. I told him the C called. He asked what we talked about. I told him all, including my confusion. He seemed really sad about this. He asked if I really didn't understand what he was trying to say. I said I understood him and his feelings, but I have no idea where he is going with it. I said it is very hard to be in limbo, and that I had hoped that we could be only looking on our past mistakes as a way to keep from doing them again, not as a means of dwelling on what went wrong. I talked a lot. Probably more than I should have. But, it felt good to get it out. And he must not be mad, because he joked with me about which outfit I should be wearing when he gets here after a long and tough commute home. I hate Limboland.
I feel like I have been treading water for way too long! I know that I need to look at this as necessary for a great future, but I just need a little teeny bit of reassurance that there may be a future! I don't understand how and why this is getting harder instead of easier!!! Betsey, I feel guilty that I am not giving back to you as much as you are giving to me. I just, right now, need to follow you, as you have a better understanding than I do. I don't like to be a "taker," so the second I find a place where I can be of assistance, I will leap right in! Until then, you have my gratitude. (You too, Meredith and Pattie!)
