Where to start... Well things have been quite distant lately between me and my W. I've been working really hard getting my UNI work finished during the last three weeks & it's almost over - tomorrow is my last dealine
During this time my W has pulled away quite a lot, going to bed really early, not wanting to spend any more time than she has to. This was kind of the drill just after the bomb.
I have been true to DB principles and not stepped up any pursuit and have respected her actions & wanting space. I have made an effort with conversation, asking how her day was, filling her in on what the kids have been up to etc. It's been hard, because she hasn't seemed engaged in these conversations & every opportunity she had to get a 'dig' in to me about something from the past, she did so. I haven't took the bait once & I am not going to unless it's a big issue.
A few times, mainly at the weekend, my W has made plans to take the kids out without inviting me (which may have been to leave me to study), but the kids have been asking me, are you coming with us to the park, museum etc... I've had to go along with the "too busy with study" answer, but inside I'm like, 'I'd love to come, I ain't invited'. If I make plans with the kids, I still have the courtesy and ask my W if she wants to join us, knowing that she will 9 times out of 10 say no. This is important for me because I don't want to exclude my W from family time, if she chooses to exclude herself, that is her choice & different.
We are still living together, in the same bed and we have not had any R discussions, as we agreed on a R ceasefire until at least after my UNI work was finished. This has given me time to keep up my IC and get myself stronger mentally to prepare for either outcome, whether it be working through our issues or separation.
I know that we are going to end up talking about our next steps either before or after an upcoming holiday to Florida with the kids, and I feel like I'm prepared for these discussions.
The way I'm looking at things right now, is more positively. My 1st choice is for us to try & piece our M back together, and stay together as a family. My 2nd choice is to separate and see what life is like being single (I was 20 last time I was single).
Either choice is going to be hard, and both choices have their pay offs. I'm just staying positive, because either outcome will have its good and bad.
** This morning, my W was running late for work and when I went upstairs to get some clothes, she was just sitting on the bed and had been / still was crying. I asked her if she was ok, she said, 'I feel like crap, so fed up, my clothes look terrible on me, I feel fat, my hair is awful and I'm sick of moaning all the time'. I tried to reassure my W, by saying that she always looks great and that I loved her figure and her hair is really nice. I asked her if she needed a hug & went to give her a hug, but she rejected it and said it would make her worse. I offered to iron her skirt & complimented her on her new perfume, which cheered her up a bit, going to work & she has text me back since being at work letting me know she is ok, just having a bad day.**
Now, before anyone gets their 2x4's out on me, I'm not reading anything into this, other than she's been thinking about stuff. But that shouldn't stop you guys reading in to it for me
Bill
(sorry about the long post - 3 weeks since my last so please go easy on us)
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
