Thanks Betsey! You know, I used to push him to do more things with "the guys." He has shyed away from having close guy friends ever since his best friend died. So, I knew this was a void in his life. I need to remind myself that any other time I would be thrilled that he was going away. It's just that the timing here sucks! I feel I'm in such a precarious predicament- so the time away is very frightening to me. Thanks for putting it in the way you did about how if I chose time away it wouldn't necessarily mean that I wanted to be away from him. You're right, and I didn't think of it that way. And Meredith, you're right. I have the board here to vent and to "try things out." I can't tell you how many times it has stopped me from doing the wrong thing. Part of me wonders if he is just talking all of this stuff out, and that maybe after he has talked (and talked and talked) about the same subject over and over again it can finally be laid to rest. I have to remind myself that he is trying. The other day he was singing to the radio, and I remarked that I loved it when he sang, and that one of my favorite memories is of when we were dating and I would snuggle up next to him when he was driving (one hand on the wheel, and one arm around me), and he'd be singing along to the radio. I have said this MANY times before, but this time I took it a bit further and said, "I still love it when you sing. Sometimes you don't know it, but I stand and listen. You really have a nice voice, and I love hearing it." Just yesterday, out of the blue, he said, "you know what you said about my singing the other day? That was really cool to hear that. I never thought you felt that way."
Things like this make me have hope. I think there are just so many things that we never said to eachother. Maybe they just didn't seem important. I'm glad I realized the importance of it all.
I'm still feeling pretty down. I know I have to get over the ring issue. I just cannot understand the sense of living in the house and appearing married to anyone and everyone, yet removing that. It just seems so spiteful. And, to be honest, I am very fearful of the fact that there will come a day that he decides to put it back on, and it will just be "too little too late" for me. I wonder who he is to play with my emotions in that way. I guess if he was still sleeping on the couch and not touching me with a ten foot pole I would be o.k. with it. But as things stand now, it makes no sense.
Thanks for listening you guys. You know, when he was talking divorce and making plans to leave, it sucked, but in a way it was easier. At least I knew where I stood, and the future seemed pretty clear. Now, I have no idea what the future holds. It is maddening.
Betsey, I will try my hardest to untangle my panties! It would sure be a lot more comfortable, not to mention a lot more attractive! Ha! Do you see the deeper meaning there? I think I was just profound!
