NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station)

[WenikiTiki]

So tonight my STBX starts a R talk. And it turns out he has been being nice to me because he thought we were all agreed on how much he will "Give" me. And I don't even remember having the conversation he reports we had.

So we went over the numbers, again, he threatens to just quit working, again. He goes on about how hard he has to work to make all that money. I said what about what I do, and he tells me that what I do is easy, I have it easy.

I told him that my first thought for years has been about him. I always am worried about his needs. For pity sakes he hasn't bought his own toothpaste, shaving cream, shampoo, anti-prespirant, razors or even a toothbrush since I don't know when.

I told him I think he gave up on our relationship in 2000. I told him he has been being remote and distant to me for years. We have moved 16 times in the 33 years we have been together. And when he makes his next move by himself maybe he will feel the pain of that. Or some other silly woman will take care of poor him.

And all I can think is how can he be so rotten. And I called him on the way he has been acting. He told me that I have been the one being nice to him. I told him no, he asked me to watch TV with him. He said that no, I asked could I sit with him. The only time I asked was it okay to sit with him was when the grandkids were over. I was so mad I threw the remote from the sound bar at his chest (It honestly weighs 2 ozs, tops). He threatened to call the police. I told him to call the police so they could laugh at him.

I told him to quit talking to me, to quit pretending like we are friends, to just not interact with me. He said he was just trying to be nice. I said don't talk to me anymore. And I don't know how someone goes dark in the same house, BUT I'm going to figure it out.

Then I gathered my stuff up and went to my woman cave. Every time I think I should be elsewhere and don't go I regret it. I don't know how many of you are sailors, but there is a saying about putting a reef in your sail. The saying is the time to put in a reef is the first time you think about it. Because the second time you think about it, it is probably too late.

I need to remember that the time for me to get out of the house is the first time I think about it.

And as I am sorting out this house, packing away my bits and pieces so my house can be staged for sale, I will take what few things are his, and I will put them in those huge asian nightstands he decided he wanted. And when it is time for him to move he can figure it all out by himself.

And I know he didn't hear me, but as I left the room I said: "I'm not buying you anymore bananas." And it pains me to say this, but right now I don't even see how I could ever care about him.

He is a selfish mean person. And even though he started the R talk, he is so shallow that his favorite TV show in the world (American Idol) was about to come on, and that ment we couldn't talk anymore. Just in case anyone wonders why I had the remote to the sound bar in my posession. And why I threw it at him. I had turned down the TV when he started talking to me. And it is being recorded on the DVR, so it wasn't like he couldn't miss a few minutes of it.

I don't like the person he is making me into. I need to get far far away. I was feeling bad and second guessing my decision to move to California. But this just makes me realize, I can't be around him. He brings out the reptile brain in me.

My kids and grandkids won't miss anything by not being around him. Because he doesn't teach them things, he doesn't do anything. I have taught them everything they know. He just goes off by himself and does what he wants.

Then complains that he did all the work. By himself.

Okay, Rant over. Yes, I know this isn't DB. I think I am just in saving myself mode. And it is so hard to realize he just doesn't give a rats behind about me.