W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore-P3

[Snowman]

KD-I understand what you are saying. I don't think my W is in a MLC either just a crises. I have not been controlling her in any way that I can think of recent. I know I have posted a lot about my W but I'm not just going to sweep under the rug what I have learned one way another.

I know my issue is control and we have talked about it numerous times on my thread. I have not exerted any control over my W in a while other than when it comes to D paper things.

25yearsmlc- Wowser, I guess I got what I asked for hey . I understand your message on focusing on my W, point taken.

like the phone call from London (and the trip iteself which you still gripe about) she was wrong to call on HER time and not on your son's. You were right to say "no" and that's it. But when she tried to call back and it failed, neither of you were at fault but you BOTH blamed the other. She let it go but you are still angry at her...

When my W called at 6am and I told her to call back she said 1 hr and hung up without me being able to say that would not work for my S or me. I was not exactly coherent at the moment either as the phone woke me up. Anyway a big mis-communication for sure. I'm not mad my W went on the trip in fact I talked about what she was going to do while she was there and told her to have fun as well while she was there. My W very specifically informed me she would not be calling so the whole morning thing threw me for a loop.

The "Friend" was about the church and did she say ANYTHING good about your w or did you only post the negatives?

Yes her friend had positive things to say about my W. They were sole friends for a very long time so I'm not going to brush aside what was said like it is not there. My W even lived with this friend and her family for a while. They were literally like sisters.

I don't buy that you "want to understand" b/c if that were your real goal you'd be wanting to find YOUR OWN ROLE IN THIS

I do want to understand my W's problems but I understand I need to find my role in this and that role was control.

how would marriage to Snowman, from this day forward,

be better or different than before?

The simple answer would be not be controlling. I would not control money like I did before. I would not control her or my activity choices like I did. I would not try to fix her problems for her but just support her and let her figure them out(you will probably say well then stop it). I would not be a fixer which I know I am. I would be more positive and outgoing.

I want to know what YOU have learned about YOU....

I am the type of person that can get analysis paralysis and get indecisive about decisions(not new I guess as I knew this). I have learned that I'm more introvert than extrovert. I learned I care more about what others thought (perception) than what I care about or what is right. I have learned how I can be a better father to my S and have done my best to do so. I have learned how easy it is to be negative .

I know I need to work on and post about my issues. I will work to do that more.
FYI-25yearsmlc-I used your saying Be Happy or be "right" with my MIL. She got the point very quickly.

sayitaintso-I know I need to let go but it is so hard when you have to deal with the spouse in one shape or form all the time. I will work hard to let go. Thanks for the support.