Sadly Returning

[MrBond]

"She needed to know i wasnt giving up."

Why? She did. In fact it seems like she doesn't want to be with you right now. You can't show your clinginess that way.

[Hopingtomakeit]

The last talk we did. I was kind of going with the D. This was me explaining that i always want us to work.

[Hopingtomakeit]

I frigging blew it last night. I went off the handle. I yelled. I screamed...i did everything i could. None of that will help my marriage. I see no hope at this time. I just have to hope that distance will make her change.

[Hopingtomakeit]

She feels that last time when i saved things. I set her up and made her feel guilty. This is why we had another shot. Not what she ever wanted.

[MrBond]

"I just have to hope that distance will make her change."

Nothing can make her choose to change accept herself. Until she actually takes responsibility for her actions and her own internal issues, nothing will change.

"She feels that last time when i saved things. I set her up and made her feel guilty."

Classic example. You didn't "make" her feel guilty. She felt guilty because she did something wrong. Simple as that. She's trying to shift all the blame onto you.

[totallydevoted]

Wow MrBond...I believe you've hit the nail on the head. It mirrors my sitch as well and it's great advise. We cannot control anything but ourselves. I, too, feel as Hoping does about my W and you are dead on. I am taking responsibility for my actions and my wife isn't...she never really has, going back to our first separation. She was expecting me to be perfect and to be responsible for her happiness and when things got tough again it was just the reaosn for her to make excuses and take the easy way out.

Sorry Hoping, I know this is your thread but our sitch's are pretty similar as far as our Ws are concerned and I think it may help you hearing from someone else sort of in the same boat.

Hang in there man...but you do need to allow her to find all this out on her own...and if she doesn't then do you really want her back? Nothing will improve until you are both honest with yourselves and focus on you...only then will a R have a chance to truly succeed.

[Hopingtomakeit]

Journal Update:

Last night went pretty well. We had no R talk and just did our normal routine. I got in a quick 30 minute workout. (sadly my treadmill broked...this will be important later) I went to the bed room and started to look for house for me and my daughter to live in. This was very tough for me but i did it. I picked a few and requested more information.

After being in the bedroom for about 1/2 hour the W got curious and came in. She asked what i was doing. I told her. She then came into the bedroom with me. I told her i would leave. She told me i didn't have to. We sat there and did our thing. I then took a second and looked at workout equipment with her since our treadmill broke.

She moved in close to me and it was nice to have that closeness even for a moment. Later in the evening a friend was text me and she seemed very curious of what i am doing. I said to her "You seem to be very interested in what i am doing tonight." She then said nicely "Your Right, im sorry."

I then slept on the couch and her in the bed. It seemed like a minor step forward. Nothing that will show that we are on the same path but we had closeness that we havent had in a long time.

[Hopingtomakeit]

Totally: I have no issues with you highjacking. We are all here for the same reason. I have one more day until i move into my friends house for a week. Its killing me and im scared as hell. I will need support from people like you.

MrBond: You are very wise and can see things i cant even dream of seeing. Thank You, again.

[Hopingtomakeit]

So, i need some advise. I am leaving for a week to GAL. I have never left the house for a long period of time. It will give my wife a chance to thing and maybe help me find myself.

There are two things that have been bugging me about house. I want to buy those things and leave them for my wife. Is this a good plan? I heard i should buy any gifts. (BTW this is mulch and a toilet paper dispenser)

Also something new my wife is doing. She is doing all my chores. She is getting them taken care of asap. I think this is prep to me leaving or doesnt want to see me do it...I dont know.

[MrBond]

Maybe I'm missing something here. Why are you leaving the house if SHE's unhappy?

My W initially told me the same thing. I looked at her incredulously and told her that I was perfectly fine at home and that if she was the one who was unhappy then she should leave. She did and I'm glad I stayed.

While you can't control what she wants, you sure as hell can control what you do.