What your h has written is all in the mlc script. He needs to blame someone for the way he feels and yes, his behavior. Stop drinking the kool-aide that he continues to offer you. You know whether or not you tried in your marriage, you know that there is absolutely not one marriage that is perfect. Had the marriage been such a sham and he was treated so badly, why did he wait until now to separate? I do not buy into his bs in this email.
You didn't break him, therefore, you can't fix him. Only God and your h can do that. His issues run far deeper and longer than before you married him. His issues are from his childhood and no matter what you do or don't do, you can't change his mind.
None of us had crystal balls or tarot cards to figure out what was wrong w/them before the switches were flipped. They tend to overlook the fact that they did not talk to us and express their feelings to us, therefore how could we know how they felt? Stop beating yourself up over this...you are not a mind reader!
Please keep in mind that his empathy chip is totally shattered and he can't understand the pain you are going through when you two are interacting. He truly doesn't see anything wrong w/what he has done and continues to do. So, my advice, set your boundaries and decide how do you want to communicate and when. If you are having difficulty actually speaking to him in person and you would feel better using the phone or texting, then tell him that. This is your call to make. I would also suggest that you only interact w/him concerning your children and only for emergencies. You are not ready to be "friends" w/him on his terms. Do what makes you feel more comfortable in interacting w/him.
From this day forward, please remember, you didn't break him. You can only work on yourself. Whatever changes you make are for you and you must be happy w/them. The changes are not for him...understand? Be yourself, hold your head up high and do not back down from your boundaries. Refuse the glass of kool-aide he is offering up...it's not good for you to take on his guilt and blame. Do not apologize again for the marriage and how you treated him...you've already done it enough. From now on, when he brings it up, say "h, I'm sorry you feel that way". Change the subject and move on. It's time for him to own his own mess in this situation. He needs to do the necessary work and look within for his happiness.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
