I think you suffer from a similar issue as I do... the fact that people don't listen. I've had that problem for a really long time, but when it hit home was during one of my sister's visits here a few years ago.
I was having a conversation with everyone, when Mr. Wonderful and D9 just got up and walked away. I was VERY hurt... my sister stopped and said, "What is up with you, MW? And Niece, I think you were very rude to walk away when your mom was telling a story."
Mr. W. mumbled something and D9 started to cry. My sis told me after Mr. W. moved out that the incident had really bothered her (because she had known it was not an isolated incident). She also knows one of my favorite sayings: the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
But I also know that there were times that I started a conversation when Mr. W. was not "there". When I really need him to listen, I tell him, "I really need you to focus on me for a few minutes."
QTime is a very close second LL for me. In fact, Mr. W. tagged me with that label. But I realized that the only way I felt loved with QT was if words were spoken that affirmed me...
Ironically, he accuses me of the same. But mine originated differently. I grew up in a very small house (1000 SF amongst 5 of us). I shared a room and our house was perpetually noisy. I learned how to tune sound out so I could focus on what was important... back then, it was my school work (and I made straight As).
So when I went off to college, I made ok to good grades. When I made the dean's list (my junior and senior years), I left the library behind and remained in my room with either the stereo going or General Hospital on. I had brought my roomie home with me one weekend (whose name is also Betsy) and she sat through dinner, complaining that she felt it was unfair that I stayed around the room and watched TV while she studied at the library.
My mom and dad were very amused and sat through dinner smirking. I finally defended myself, by telling her I WAS studying, but I need noise to focus on what's important. Then I whipped out my dean's list certificate as a present to my dad...
My point is that noise is almost blood in a shark's water for me to get serious and focus. I can tune anyone out, regardless of their noise level. It pisses him off to no extent.
But I tell him nicely (and have told him this repeatedly during our marriage, which he has absolutely REFUSED to do) that the way to get my attention is to say loudly, "Bets, I need you here!" He says "I shouldn't have to do that."
Well, I hope that he decides to do it if it works... because that is something I probably cannot change at this point.
Can you do the same with your H? Tell him when you need him to just listen? I know you think it's not fair (based on what Mr. W. said to me), but it would help him figure out that you do have needs and he's called to fill them once in awhile.
Just a thought... and sorry for my rambling...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
