W: Hey. Just wanted to let you know that X had gastric surgery last Thursday and went home Sunday morning. She was rushed back Sunday night and Monday morning they discovered that she lost a staple and was leaking GI fluid. Honestly she almost left us yesterday. She had wash out surgery but Dr. couldn't find the leak so they're sucking out her bodily fluids trying to allow enough time for her tissue to join to avoid further GI leak. Getting lots of antibiotics and has a team of specialists dedicated to her recovery. I've been with her since Sunday night and will likely be here another few days while they test for leak issues after heal time.
Me: I'm sorry she had complications, I will say a prayer for her. What hospital is she at? If you would like to talk anytime call me anytime, or if there is something I can do for you or the kids just say the word.
W: We are at X in X You can tell your mom to pray if you like. Ex-H dad is staying with the kids at the house this week.
Me: With your blessing I will come there tonight, but I understand if you prefer I don't. I offer my support to whatever degree you feel comfortable. You bet. Anything else, just let me know. Gotta run -- hang in there.
W: If you have any free time and you want to do me a favor your can order her a small flower arrangement with flowers that aren't too scented (so she doesn't get sick). I will pay you back for them but it'd be nice to see something pretty in here since we'll be here all week.
Me: Like that wasn't going to already happen... You swore you knew me on Sunday ;-)
W: Don't go overboard cause my money is tight till I sell the BMW. :-) Thank you. She will be happy. Please don't write alot in the card. She can't even see so someone will have to read it for her anyway and it's best if it's not awkward, ya know. You did forget our anniversary though. I do know you. You just don't want to admit it. One day you will though.
Me: Understood. But I will never admit to something I didn't do. I didn't forget our anniversary. Your fired me as your husband so I didn't really feel it was an occasion to celebrate, and I didn't think you would have welcomed any gesture. Despite your maybe not wanting to hear it, you need to know that I love you very much and that I will be praying for X, you, and your family, because that's the truth. Can we talk for a minute?
W: Thanks. She needs it. I'll admit I'm exhausted too. I haven't slept but a wink here and there since Sunday. It's tiring. No, I gotta stay in the room with her.
Me: Is nobody else coming to give you breaks? Your Mom or Sister? I can come and give you a break.
W: Mom and Sister are here during they day. They don't have sitter in the evening. Patient's exH helps. She doesn't want anybody to see her.
Me: I'm en route to hand deliver flowers unless you specifically order me not to. Let me support my wife and family during this time of crisis.
W: Don't come, she has declined visitors in the last hour and doesn't want to see anyone except me Mom and Sister.
At this point she calls me and vents for about ten minutes with the details of what's going on. I just listen and validate her feelings, nothing about us. As we're getting off the phone I say I Love you W and she says I know you do, thank you H.
Time passes
Me: How is X and how are you?
Her: Moving her to intensive care. I'm as good as expected. Tomorrow morning is key. They'll chekc for leak and more infection.
Me: Please call me anytime if you want to talk to someone and keep me posted. I am here for you and will get on the road in a minutes notice. Ok? I really wish I could be there with you.
W: I'm fine. I'm not the one who needs support right now so don't feel bad. I'm good. Thank you though
Me: I know you. I know how you're taking on a majority of the support responsibility and not sleeping. Anything you need or I can do say the word. I love you. You do need support you're just too strong to ask for it. Please get some sleep.
This morning I texted her "Good Morning, How's she doing?" and have received no response. I am somewhat worried but hope that she's sleeping. Given our discussion yesterday it is quite possible her sister may have passed overnight.
I sent the flowers with just a get well soon message on the card.
I would appreciate any feedback on this communication exchange I know I am violating some of the rules, but given the nature and seriousness of this situation I feel it is important to be ME in this case and be a loving and supportive husband. I don't think it's appropriate for the reverse psychology mindgames that DB sometimes requires for now, for example she needs to hear and know that I love her and will do anything for her and family given her sister could very well be on her death bed.
Thanks any advance for any feedback you can provide and good luck to all with your respective sitch's!
Way overboard; smothering and pursuing. I fixed it for you, though.
