Going around in circles

[angel61]

I may be a believer of the "Love is Decision" thing as well, as it worked on me, but if others are skeptical, and I see my H is one of those, I am not going to force it on them. Not to say that he won't believe it, as it seemd like after Retrouvaille it was something he did feel gave him hope in our M and he actually said he needed my help in making it happen. But what help did I give? Instead of showing him patience, kindness, and all of that good stuff that you read about in the Bible, I pushed him, reading the "Love Dare" to him, setting up times to pray, do R talk, etc. like an eager beaver. And getting mad at him when he did not respond, accusing him of not trying, telling him things like "I might as well cut my losses now and leave". It only served to push him away, to look at me and probably think "is that the kind of love this book, this idea, is all about?"

I don't know if you have read that book either, or wherever you have learned that concept, but nowhere does it say that if you make the decision to love, that you have to expect or make it a conditional thing....

The thing about loving and yet being yourself is that you don't even see things as "crumbs". My H is a good father, he is a good provider, he had to grapple with feelings for others but so far has come out of it without giving in to his physical desires (and I do believe that if he really pushed it he could have had a PA with OW), he has and is trying to feel something for me (he did say if there was a magic pill he could take that would make him fall in love with me he would take it), but he still has not realized that the magic pill is just simply his decision to love. And perhaps, if I were just patient and stop doing the stuff that pushes him away, and also really work on exemplifying the kind of love that God wants us to have, then it will happen. BUt in the meantime, I am not hanging my hat on that, and will just continue living my life as it pleases me to do so.

And when the time comes for recommitment, it does not have to be verbal or written, because in many cases, I have read about spouses promising such and such yet still backsliding. Actions will have to speak louder than words at that time.