RealTime Communication feedback/critique

[Broken74]

Thanks Oltimer, for your questions and especially for the post link, that is a good one and I get it.

You are right I am reading too much into this entire scenario. I got overly excited because she reached out to me because that implies when the rubber meets the road she came to me instead of somebody else.

The reason that I tore up the check is that she alluded that money is tight is this month. It's not so much a gift as a way of removing a stress point from her why she has everything else going on. I don't equate love and money, unfortunately when you have it and your S doesn't and is having problems in that area, it is a natural reaction to help. Insert my broken bird/white knight syndrome here.

1) I prepared for our anniversary, I still need to look at the certificate to make sure it was the 11th. I would have bet my life it was the 21st. The pictures I got framed and was going to give to her I will pick up on Friday. I have never missed a special day to her, I am not going to own up to that at this point in my sitch. Maybe I'll fess up later about it but not now.

2) I have sent pictures of myself with the OW to my wife in the heat of argument within the past two months. Given our comm's I assume she is still seeing someone to some degree, and she should assume the same of me. I don't see how I am involved in a PA when she fired me with the separation papers. I wanted to avoid this scenario all along and work on our marriage, she has not.

3) Although I wasn't the best (REMINDER I HAD NO EXPERIENCE), I have been the best father figure those children have ever had. I helped with homework, I played with them frequently, I took them places and did things with them they had never experienced. I am doing what I think is right by them because I am their stepfather. If my W divorces me, I will no longer be their stepfather. Some people on here say they will continue to persue their relationship after D. I will not be doing that. I could be friends with my first ex-wife, because I never truly loved her. If we get D, I will likely sever all ties and not speak to her/them again. I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain. Through this experience I know I want to be a father and positive influence in a child's life. If she divorces me that money will going into a fund with for my future child.

4) Thank you for that post, it is very enlightening.

I am subconsciously trying to improve my sitch at the expense of her family crisis, which is wrong and she will probably resent me for. So what I was taking as a positive in reality may be a negative in the long run.

I'm guilty of two things, 1) doing what I think is right/what my gut tells me to do and 2) telling her how I feel.

Thanks again for your post oldtimer your insight although painful at times is always tremendously helpful.