Going around in circles

[angel61]

Gosh, you guys are really taking each sentence to mean like I am having mood swings while writing it!!!! Can't a person look back and summarize without being judged???? I was just writing about my insights as a result of that bad week!!!!!

Starsky, yes, you are so lost. As they always say in this boards, the OW/OM/OP is a band aid. The M has a rotting, festering wound and one of the partners think that an OP can fix it. So what does everyone say here? BE THE PERSON YOUR SPOUSE WOULD BE A FOOL TO LEAVE!!!!!! Again, thats a process. I am not yet done changing myself into that person. I had some major backslides, but I don't regret them cause they made me have some more insight about our marriage

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate your concern and am glad that you think I deserve more, because every person does deserve love and respect and loyaty.

But what 25 is saying that much of what I thought were H's flaws were because I MADE THEM SO. In other words, I was blind to his efforts. AND SHE IS SO RIGHT!!!!! I NOW GET IT!!!! HE HAS BEEN TRYING, AND YET I DID NOT SEE IT, WANTED IT MY WAY, PUSHED HIM TO CHANGE MY WAY, AND WORSE, TRIED TO GET HIM TO CHANGE EVEN BEFORE MY CHANGES WERE IN PLACE!!!!

25, in my previous post I just was writing about taking your advice and seeing MY flaws instead of blaming H. yes, I have changed, and continue to do so, and as everyone knows, no one can turn on a dime and so every new event, every mistake, every step forward is a change!!!! Its a work in progress!!!!YOU WANT ME TO LIST MY CHANGES??? HERE THEY ARE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT MANY OF THIS CHANGES WERE BECAUSE OF YOUR POSTS TO ME, BUT AGAIN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT DONE YET, AND PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE....

1. I HAVE LOST THE ANGER, MOST OF IT, AND MOST ESPECIALLY, THE MANIFESTATIONS OF IT TO H - I am just human and sometimes do backslide, but it has become less and less.

2. STOPPED BEING A CONTROLLING PERSON, EXPECTING THE MARRIAGE TO GO THE WAY I WANT IT,

3. I HAVE STARTED LISTENING, REALLY LISTENING

4. LEARNING TO LOOK INTO THE MIRROR AND OWNING UP MY OWN MISTAKES

and others....The others I know you have seen and acknowledged in my previous post. And regarding Retrouvaille, you know that at the end of the posts we START writing our story, and they (the leaders) say that it is a process that could go on for months or even years, as it is part of self discovery. It does not happen at retrouvaille, it happens in our MINDS, and happens over TIME. And it may be painful, but it is needed for closure, for us to understand that what we did is wrong. And that is what precisely was happening to me and H. During the post we missed that we attended during that fateful week, he shared with the group that the good thing that he learned at Retrouvaille was that finally, we were starting to open up and really see what led our marriage to go bad.

Back to Starsky .... at this fragile time in our M, when we are both just opening our eyes to the reality of our failures, and starting to acccept them, do you think it is a time to forge committments once again?

And I think we should not harp at timelines here..... it does not really matter to me how long it takes, as we have all the time in the world.... the rest of our lives, to figure this out.